Idaho students killed boyfriend

Glass children and faking autism

2023.03.25 02:55 CKain08 Glass children and faking autism

TW : suicidal thoughts/self-harm
" Glass children are those who are growing up in a home where a sibling takes up a disproportionate amount of parental energy "
Well. Disclaimer : I am not a child, alright, I am 20. But I've been thinking a lot about the last 10 years of my life, and I am, as much as it pains me, a glass child and I've been since my sister's born.
I want to be heard, you do wathever you want with this post. Treat it like a AITA thingy if you want.
Now back to my sis, Of course, at first, it was (I thought) only because I was the first born, the big sis, you know.
But 3 years ago, my sister discovered Tik Tok. Everyone knows Tik Tok, right? Well, we all know what kind of stuff we can find on that app! I, myself, found the description of a "glass child" there. I use Tik Tok frequently.
My sister always had problems with her friends. When she was younger, she was always in the middle of some arguing between two or three girls, never really had a day where she wasn't coming home with what I call "girl's gangs" problems (you know when two best friends suddenly split and get mad and get other friends to form like alliances and stuff to b*tch on the others? Ya know, old stuff, we've all been there).
She was never wrong in those situations. She was coming home laughing about how she was the peacemaker and never creating problems of some sort. Thing is, I know my sister. Like the back of my hand. Alright? I just... know when she's lying. Still, to this day, she always brags about how good she is to manipulate people and make them do what she wants. Alrighty girl, weird flex.
Well, she got to high school (what we call secondary one in Canada), and then, she started having anxiety. Like panic attacks and all? I've had those, still do these days, so I understood. I became her protector, her therapist, calming her down when my mother critized her for exagerating. I knew what to do, and I gave up all my energy to take care of her, of her mental health, as a good old sister does.
She made it to the second year of high school (secondary 2) with difficulties. Panic attacks again and all. 3 years ago, as I said, she discovered Tik Tok. I know Tik Tok and its algorithm : there are specific fyp where you can find videos about the same topic over and over again. I suspect she was in a dark side of Tik Tok, a depressed one, where you can see all sort of sad/depressing things and stories (I know, I've been there too, now trying to avoid it as much as I can because it affects me mentally and I start spiralling).
Cutting her hair short ( I guess the "funny mentally hill" trend where you cut your hair on a headbutt and dye it, I know, been there too).
Sexuality explored too. Like she was trans for a while and wanted us to call her another name (she isn't anymore, she told me so about 3 months in). I always respected her choices and calling her what she wanted to be called at that time. She was a kid, she was 13, so she was discovering herself and her preferences and all. No problem with that.
She started hanging out with some people like that too. She had a non-binary friend, a trans one, a furry one, etc. She was having fun with them. Great people. She finally had a group.
Some of them, however, had the same experiences we all hear about on Tik Tok. You know, some of them not in a great home, or in a bad relationship with parents, depression, anxiety. Hate to say it, but you know those people on Tik Tok who (unfortunatly) are bullied on the internet for being... like... huuuuh (wondering how to say that without insulting anyone) like stereotypical? Like... you know those who wants a cat litter in a classroom in a unironical way? Some of her friend were a little extremist on that plan. Again, never really bothered me.
We have two parents, a mom and a dad. They divorced when I was 7. My sister was 3. They never fought in front of us, never heard them, it was really a suprise. They went their separate ways. Me and my sis got used to go to each of them for a week, and then go back to the other for a week. It was fine, working good. My parents are both accountants, my mom teaching it too. I had a strong disagreement with my mom in 2019 about one of her (numerous) boyfriends. The only one i really hated with all my heart. This resulted in me leaving her house for about a year. My sis was still doing 1 week/1 week. Apart of that, my parents are pretty basic ones, never abused us and we always had everything we needed.
I started college. I loved it, still do, and was finally starting my life as an adult, I started a great job, was doing good in school and... was still helping my sister and my parents with her anxiety/ panic attacks. Even learn in my degree how to deal with people who disorganize.
Then, the cutting started. A lot of her friend were doing it, she told me. And then she started having those episodes where she was cutting herself. Never with something sharp, like a knife or else. But with like compass and crayons? Then, she started having suicidal thoughts. Then, and that is where it all went down, she called 911 for suicidal thoughts. She was home alone and the police called my mom.
What had she done? Scratch herself... with a pencil.
I've had panic attacks before. And suicidal thoughts that crossed my mind but I never acted on them. Never. And I can't imagine myself doing it. I talked about it, of course, with my best friend, someone I trusted and it was making me feel better. How did I know my sister was doing that and having those thoughts? She just said it, casually, at dinner with the whole family. Like... girl? It really got the mood down, everyone worried and she was like... glowing? I don't know how to say it.
She was always a bit dramatic and had a way of making everything about herself, but it was never about negative things. More like flexing a good grade or whatever. She was always talking about how depressed she was, how she was suicidal, and the things she was saying were... like straight up a depressing tik tok. Like one day I found something she said ( I think it was like "you don't understand how this feels it is like blablabla i don't remember) WORD FOR WORD in a Tik Tok. It is like she wasn't expressing her feelings, but made up phrases you find on the Internet when you type "panic attacks" or "depression".
After a second call to 911 for taking 10 advils, she got admitted to psychiatry. At that time, I was watching my parents fall appart, running around to appointments for her, my dad having stress acnea (at 45) and both of them exhausted. It was a real drama. Everyone in the family talked about it. It was the only subject of discussion, the only thing that was on everyone's mind.
I was hanging out my seat in class with my phone on my belly to be sure to feel it vibrate if something happened. We were all in a bad place.
And then, we got a diagnosis of autism.
I'm sorry, what? Where does that come from? I mean, alright, we'll deal with that one.
But then. That's where all went down for me. Sis started therapy, changed school, went to an adapted classroom for people like her and with disabilities. My parents were still all over the place.
Except where I needed them.
I was 18, at that time, starting adulthood. I have ADHD. It is really hard for me to respect a schedule, think about every appointments I have, every homework, every luggage I can't forget to bring to mom's or to dad's. I was also giving my all in school, never missed anything, straight A's and working my ass off.
I started realising that everytime my parents texted me was to ask/talk about my sis.
Every. Single. Time.
They'd ask me to bring my sister her lunch that she forgot, to go get her when she was down, or get her to her appointments like I didn't have a whole fu**ing life I was trying so hard to keep on line.
I gave all my free time to her needs and my parents's. I educated myself on autism, defended her when my mom was thinking she was faking because I wanted to prove I was there for her. That I was the life saving good sister. I never, ever, heard her say thank you.
Never.
The only compliments my parents were giving me is "thank you for getting your sis for us. Thank you for being there for her. Thank you for doing things with her."
I went trough some stuff, at that time. I hurt my knee and was failing my physical tests. It got to the point I wasn't even sure I liked my degree anymore. I was having a really hard time. But my parents never saw my pain. I have a tendency to hide things, sure, but I was really trying to talk to them about how I was feeling. They were listening, and letting go. Why didn't they start worrying for me like they did for my sister? I don't know, don't really care now. I was having suicidal thoughts too, I wanted to yeet myself in a tree and even stopped driving so it wouldn't give me options. They left me alone, because everytime I tried bringing up the fact that I was not in a good place, my sister was disorganizing at school and they needed to go to the hospital to be both there for her while she fainted from hyperventilating. Every fcking time I was talking to my sister, she was acting like she lived trough everything and was telling me she knew more about suicidal thoughts than me cause she went to psychiatry. Excuse me miss gurl, but who was fcking there to help you trough your panic attacks hun? How do you think I know so much?
Seeing I had practically no support from my already exhausted parents, I took matters into my own hands and started going to therapy. My doctor also prescribed me with anti-depressants. I was going to be ok... on my own. I've had really bad days, real hard ones. But I got back on my two feet. At least, I think so.
School was over and it was time for summer break. I had a job I loved on a boat. I've had a blast on that boat, I wasn't jumping from a house to another, I wasn't always in luggages, I had my own room like a little appartment of my own on the ship. I slowly started to discover a backpacking/adventurous side of myself. I needed air, was travelling far from home as soon as I had a week or two off of the boat.
At the same time, my sister had stopped self-harming and having suicidal thoughts. She's was now in a school for adults to finish her 4th and 5th year of college. She wasn't in a special classroom anymore. Changed friend group.
But here's the thing. Cause there is always a "but".
I started realising how much my sister was toying with us, with my parents. As soon as the diagnosis fell, she became unsufferable. For example, when I say I hate loud noises and strong light, she says she has it tougher because, ya know, "i'm autistic". I can't say something without her saying she has autism and that's why she has it worse.
When I have a good grade or I've hit a PR at the gym, I tell my parents because I am happy. I try to see life the good way, now. I'm quite proud of all the personal work i've done.
But she can't have a normal day.
It is always "ho I hated school because the light was making a sound" or something to point out she has autism.
I talked to one of my friend who is a social worker, and he told me autism is usually apparent in children. My sis was diagnosed at 15. But, and hear me out, all the things that make her autistic according to her psychiatrist... she's never really had them before.
You remember at the beginning of this rant how I told you I know when my sister is lying?
Well. I don't think an autistic person possess the flex of "being able to manipulate people so easily to get what you want".
She's always bragging about how smart she is compared to us because, you know, "ShE cAn FeElS eNeRgiEs AnD pEoPlE AnD iT AfFeCts hEr". Well, honey, I don't think that is autism. It is always little comment about how special she is because she can't do this, or that. Like I have ADHD, alright? I'm stimming all the time. I don't point it out to people for fun, actually, i'm quite ashamed of it sometimes. She bought all those fidget toys and brings them ALL to school to show how much she needs them.
One reason of why I am mad, as you can (unfortunatly) see, is my father's attitude.
The fact that my sis had episodes of suicidal thoughts and acts traumatized him. With reasons, don't get me wrong.
But now, she's clearly living well of drama and stereotypical behavior she never had before.
My father is fucking afraid of telling her no.
Like man, I don't think that if you ask her to unload the dishwasher ONE FUCKI*NG time that she's going to kill herself. Like come on.
One time, she called him cause she fainted cause she was hyperventilating cause the cleaner at her school wore a different hat than usual. Or another time where she learn that two teachers were eating togueter at lunch and not in the cafeteria?
I know my sister. She is clearly using him. She's got him hooked with a silent threat of hurting herself or making it impossible for him to receive a phone call without thinking she committed.
And. She. Fucking. Knows. It.
She left my mother's house because my mom wasn't buying her shit.
She left with all her drama about how she could appologize but she needs her space to think about what she (mom) did.
BRUH did what?!?!?!? It was so sudden, what are you on about?
All her life, she was good at one thing : breaking people's relationship.
I know, because I'm not blind.
She's the type of person that looks at you after saying your deepest secret in front of everyone and be like : "oups teehee🤪 you know i can't keep a secret" or she plays dumb "i didn't know it was a secret oupsis" with this little dumb face that I know by heart means "I win you fuck*ng idiot".
She broke the good relationship my parents had by pretending mom told her something when it wasn't right or vice versa. When she's at dad's, she always talks about all the things mom does that sucks. When she was at mom, she was always talking about how bad it was at dad.
I was in the middle like , bruh, it isn't even that bad. And of course, my parents both being proud individuals started feeling supperior than the other and downgrading the other in front of us (wich you know my sis was repeating over and over to everyone).
But because my parents are fucking blind they let her riled them up against each others. So now they don't talk. And when they do, it is always to argue about how to take care of my sis.
To make a clear example of how she gets everything she wants :
She always tells me that she wants a Mira dog. Like a service dog. She's going to keep creating dramatic scenarios like that until my father cries and decides it is the last option we have.
But no. After the dog, it is going to be another need for neurodivergent people that she's probably going to see on Tik Tok.
Because yes, she faints and yes, she is hyperventilating. But I can create scenario in my head and make them real too (maladaptive daydreaming oups). Anxiety works like that : if I start hyperventilating for 45 seconds, my body jumps to survival mode and the mammoth thing ang boom, there you have your panic attack.
Yes. She is mentally hill.
But she's not autistic. She does not need a service dog. And she can't continue leading people on like that.
She's in need of negative attention. She hates when we compliment her, she hates when we wish her happy brithday and all. But she's always talking about how she did bad at this exam and ho people please comfort me. There's always something going on with her.
She stopped self-harming and having suicidal toughts. People started living normally.
So she restarts panic attacks but she already has a psychiatrist so she needs more.
Lets go to the hospital, something's wrong with my heart. Then she's got the pleasure of walking around school with a machine to record her heart thingy.
Nope. Nothing wrong.
People start forgetting.
Whoops now she's fainting and we don't know why.
Hospital trip yeah.
Nothing's wrong.
Then she buys a machine to keep track of her blood pressure.
Does a doctor prescribed it?
Nope. You can just buy it so she did. And she could do it like in the morning, at lunch or at night, but no, she absolutly needs to do it in front of everyone, making noise in class while the teacher is talking.
And i'm starting to get fed up.
About a year into this nightmare, 3 years ago, I stopped feeling.
I wasn't able to feel anything. And that is why, today, I can write this and unfortunatly for some, it will be controversial.
After my downfall, when my sister was in need...
I did not care.
At all.
She could do whatever she wanted to do. She could have as much trip to the hospital as she wanted.
I . Did . Not . Care .
I was going to class.
And my phone was on silent.
I don't want to know. I don't care. Don't you get it? Mom, dad, leave me alone. You did it well, right? Continue.
I am an horrible human being. My best friend tries to comfort me saying that my heart of stone is a form of self-protection, a defense mechanism that I developped 3 years to protect myself and not live trough what my sister put us trough without knowing (or caring?).
Still.
I am an egoist.
But I do not care.
You want to make me feel like a glass child?
Alright alright.
I'll deal with it.
But now the glass is fed up.
And it is about to break.
Good bye and thank you.
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2023.03.25 02:47 Lanadelrey_kindagirl I turned 20 2 days ago, it was horrible and i feel hopeless

I turned 20 2 days ago. I pretended like it wasnt close, i did everything in my power to distract myself from the fact. The day was horrible for me, people kept asking me "how does it feel to turn 20?"
freaking horrible!, as a child i tough by this age i would be in college, being the excellent student i was, with lots of friends . Whats the reality? im the biggest loser i know, i dont have friends, im lonely, i dont work, i dont go to school, i barely leave the house and i've never felt so lost and desperate. I never intended to be here in the firts place, i never tought i would pass 18 yrs old, i didnt plan anything, i just plan on being dead.
I keep splitting between "everythings my fault, im a lazy pathetic fuck" and "im severly mentally ill from a traumatic childhood and a traumatic life in general, its not my fault,everyone has a different pase in life" and its so exhausting, my head keeps fucking me over. I have a boyfriend and i get along with my mother but i feel physically uncapable of expresing my feelings or what im going trough, everytime i try i just freeze, yesterday i tried to talk about it with my boyfriend but i had a breakdown, i smashed my phone and i cried myself to sleep.
I feel pointless, meaningless. No one needs me, if i died the world wouldnt even notice cause i dont contribute anyting to society , i dont even feel a part of society. I can feel how day by day im going insane, i feel trapped, living like this is so painful i've been having horrible toughts again.
I just needed to put it out there in the universe, i just want to feel heard
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2023.03.25 02:41 katerinara Another one bites the dust

My boyfriend was perfect. He accepted me for who I was, at least I thought he did. I found out this morning he just couldn't help himself. I explained to him I have a condition. I wear my makeup and a wig 24/7 because I'm just not comfortable going without. I truly thought he understood and accepted that.
I've had this condition all my life. My skin gets scaley and gross on my face. My hair just doesn't grow in properly and it looks horrible. I've got a very realistic wig that I glue on and wash my hair and face nightly. I always lock the bathroom door when I do because I'm just so ashamed of what I look like. I don't want anyone to ever see me bare.
Steven was my everything. I told him about my condition on our third date. He said he understood, and he would always respect my privacy. We went out for weeks, then months, then it turned into years. I loved him more than I've loved anyone in a very long time. I thought this time will be different, this time would be forever. Then this morning he just ruined everything.
Last night we had our three year anniversary. He took me out to an expensive restaurant, we had some amazing wine, ate until I thought we would both pop, then went home and hung out while watching true crime shows (I know, not romantic but it's totally our jam!) and continued drinking into the night. I vaguely recall having sex, and my head being a little fuzzier than usual. I chalked it up to all the alcohol I drank. I never would have imagined the love of my life would actually drug me.
I've had partners in the past who just couldn't accept I not only hate being seen without a wig and makeup, I absolutely refuse to allow it in any way. I'm not movable on this subject, and I thought Steven was different from the others. Three bloody years. He threw three years of our lives away because he just HAD TO KNOW what I look like without makeup and a wig. He drugged me to sleep, ON OUR ANNIVERSARY!! I don't think I've ever felt so deeply betrayed by somebody I loved as I did this morning.
I woke up groggy and my head was killing me. It took a few minutes for me to drag myself out of the sleep fog he put me in and realize what he had done. Beside me on the bed was Steven, stone cold. Actually, just stone, period. It's not just patchy hair I hide with my wig, it's bloody snakes ok?! I'm a descendant of a medusa. I loved that stupid damn man, now I'm gonna have to break him up and put him in the garden walkways with the other jerks who just had to know. Why can't people just accept me for who I am?!
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2023.03.25 02:40 LoveMangaBuddy Read Magic Emperor - Chapter 375 - MangaPuma

Zhuo Yifan was a Magic Emperor or could be called a Demon Emperor because he had an ancient Emperor’s book called the Book of the Nine Secrets, he was targeted by all the experts and he was even betrayed and killed by his student. Then his soul enters and comes back to life in a family servant boy named Zhuo Fan. Because some demonic magic is holding him back, he must unite the child’s memories an ... Read Magic Emperor - Chapter 375 - MangaPuma. Read more at https://mangapuma.com/magic-emperochapter-375
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2023.03.25 02:39 No-Bike7204 Should I confront my friend?

For context, I’m a student in senior high who is debating whether I should confront my classmate who was my closest friend na lagi kong kasama before. Any insight or advice will be appreciated, hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko sakaniya.
I’m currently having a problem with my friend who is a narcissist, liar, manipulator, and has anger issues. When she’s mad or upset, she shouts, communicates aggressively and even uses intimidation instead of calmly talking kaya as a soft-hearted person and an overthinker, I would tend to get hurt and upset because of her. She gives me the silent treatment when she’s upset or mad which would make me overthink. I tend to overthink tuwing minamalditahan niya ako kasi iniisip ko if may nagawa ba akong mali sakaniya kahit na I don’t intentionally want to make her upset. Mabait lang siya sakin kapag may kailangan, mabait lang siya sakin tuwing uwian na (because lagi kaming magkasabay sa uwian).
She used to be my closest friend and someone na lagi kong kasama. Now, things have changed between us. Yung pinaka close niya na ngayon is yung boyfriend and seatmate niya. I know na walang friendship na laging masaya or perfect because no one is perfect. What’s also making me stay is that nasa iisang social circle lang kami, and malalim na pinagsamahan namin. I can’t throw all of those memories and this friendship down the drain.
I kind of hate my kind and caring heart for someone na harsh and maldita like her. When I felt like I did her wrong, sinubukan kong bumawi sakaniya by constantly checking up on her at nilibre ko pa siya ng food and pamasahe. It makes me feel like I love and care for her too much kaya I stopped being very kind to her.
I’m distant to her now and as much as possible I don’t want to talk to her because she’s a threat to my peace of mind. I want to confront her about my problems and sakaniya and if she currently has problems with me as well para hindi ko na siya maging problema, pero we’re both currently occupied with schoolworks kaya naghahanap ako ng tamang timing (siguro by the end of the school year? yung hindi na kami ganun ka-busy.) I really want this friendship to work out.
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2023.03.25 02:39 NefariousnessFar2883 families of the dead

how did the families of the students killed in tortus like shizimu, hiyama, Eri and the other student killed by Eri, how did they feel and their reaction to the deaths of their children?
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2023.03.25 02:38 LoveMangaBuddy Read God's ID Card - Chapter 19 - MangaPuma

Forensic medicine student Lu Lanqiao became the biggest suspect in "killing" his brother overnight. The words his brother said before his death set him on the road of escape. In order to find out who killed his brother, Lu Lanqiao and the detective who was chasing him, Fucheng, met and the relationship between the two fugitives and their pursuers gradually changed... ... Read God's ID Card - Chapter 19 - MangaPuma. Read more at https://mangapuma.com/gods-id-card/chapter-19
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2023.03.25 02:29 MaybeTomorrowOr Pervasive feeling of emptiness despite having a pretty good life?

I really don’t know why, but I’m unhappy. I feel like I’m waiting for my life to get better but I literally don’t even know what I mean by that. I guess what’s unusual about my life is that I’m a PhD student and it’s a rather lonely job, I don’t have much human interaction aside my boyfriend on a daily basis and I live far from my family.
But besides from that, I rent a very nice house in a low cost of living area with my my boyfriend. My boyfriend is really great and sweet and I love him. We also have a cute dog who’s a sweetheart.
I don’t have that many friends aside from my boyfriend, but I mean, I’ve never been someone to desire a ton of friends or to go “out” all the time. I’m pretty introverted.
Last week we had a fun weekend, went to a house party, played some sports, etc. And tonight I was excited to just have a chill night in with him, but I all of a sudden got really sad about it and cried in my room. This is a common feeling for me on weekend nights when I’m not drowning in work. I work on Sundays, sort of because I have to, sort of because I want to. I did join a gym, and I try to go twice a week or so, but it doesn’t combat the emptiness.
Maybe someone can relate? I know I should see a therapist.
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2023.03.25 02:23 RuleOk1687 My life is so unbelievable

When I was very young, my father was an alcoholic. He got sober when I was very young but I remember staying at grandma's house a lot and picking daddy up from jail.
I was restlessly bullied in grade and middle school, as well as the beginning of high school. I had a plan to kill myself, but one person who was a true friend at the time told the school counselor and I got the help I needed.
I began to separate myself from the bullies and made new friends. I smoked a lot of weed and drank a lot of alcohol. I woke up to a "friend" having sex with my unconscious body. his girlfriend found out and I became a slut and a homewrecker. I began experiencing panic attacks, often.
After high school I had no clue what I wanted to do so I attended community college and got a general associate degree in arts and sciences. I decided to party a lot and made the decision to move 12 hours from home at age 22.
I was still into drugs to cope. My neighbor sexually assaulted me and locked me in his apartment until he forced me out after forcing himself on me. I told my male roommate what happened and he was ready to kill him but I decided to pursue a protection order instead. At that time in that state, because I didn't reside in his apartment, they couldn't do anything to help me. I avoided him and tried to break my lease so no avail. I came home from work one night and found my rapist sitting at my kitchen table with my roommate standing over him. My roommate told me to go to my room and lock the door and call 911. I heard commotion, I peaked out my door while on the phone with 911 and saw blood everywhere. Once police and ambulance arrived I learned my rapist broke in and was waiting for me to get home but my roommate beat me there. He assaulted my roommate. My roommate was okay and rapist got arrested.
After that event, I moved in with my boyfriend because I was terrified to go home. My then boyfriend was very sick. I didn't know until I witnessed it. He had schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. He became extremely abusive. He threatened death to me, once locked me in a room for 3 days, pointed a gun at me, pulled the trigger anf then laughed when I flinchdd because it wasn't loaded. I finally had enough, told him I was leaving, we fought. I asked to go smoke a cigarette. He told me it's cold and to smoke inside. I went to grab a cigarette when I heard a blast. I look And he shot himself through the heart. The rest is a blur, I spent hours being questioned by police and ultimately released. I was so messed up and began using opiates and heroin to numb the pain.
I got in a relationship with another heroin addict. I got sick of living that way and went to rehab half dead. My ex refused to get help so we broke up. I went back to college to get a bachelor's degree in social work. I found out a year after our breakup that my ex killed himself.
I completed college and graduated Suma Cum Laude with perfect grades. I got a job helping domestic violence victims. After covid Iost that job. I ended up moving and finding a new relationship. I got a job in the mental health hospital.
One night on the last leg of my 12 hour shift, I began experiencing excruciating pain, couldn't stand up straight and kept tripping over my feet. I went home thinking I was just exhausted. Only the next morning, I couldn't walk at all. I was hospitalized and diagnosed with a degenerative neurological autoimmune condition that has left me permanently disabled on the right side of my body and I now use a crutch or crutches to walk. I found a wonderful job in my field that has literally saved my life.
I'm only 34 years old. If anyone who knows me reads this, they'll know who I am and I don't care. This is my story. If you read this far, thank you. I just needed to share my life story.
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2023.03.25 02:19 MysticalParadox777 Establishing Boundaries (and Distance) with my bestfriend of 15+ years

Honestly, this is just a rant. I'm in my mid-20s and I've been friends with my best friend for 15+ years and have known each other since Preschool. She is like my sister (my family loves her and vise versa). We have been there for each other through literally every single relationship and hardship we've had growing up into adults. I was admittedly a huuuuuuuge b*tch back in my teens (very blunt, always asserted myself, gossiped, and didn't care about what others thought of me), but I'm really not like that anymore. However, I feel like she still thinks of me that way because every time we meet up, all she wants to do is complain about her bf, other bestfriends, professional life, etc. and she gets frustrated when I don't agree with her. Not to mention, that's literally the ONLY time we hang out, is when she wants to run a couple errands and catch up. I see her maybe once every couple months. When I want to do something actually "fun", she says she doesn't have money, yet she is constantly hanging out with her other friends. Last month I literally asked her if we could do stuff for my birthday and she couldn't due to being behind on bills, but this week she literally went to Hawaii for Bestie #2's Birthday... (Yes, I'm jealous and frustrated because I feel like the "background friend". The last time we met just for lunch, our conversation literally started with her saying, "So, which of my other 2 bestfriends am I going to talk shit about first?" [ I know these people; they've been friends since high school] During that conversation, she was expressing frustrations that she asked "Bestie #3" to hang out that day, but he wasn't available because of his "insecure girlfriend who won't let him do anything". [This also indicated I was her "backup" plan for the day since he rejected hanging out with her]. She proceeded to say how they moved in together too soon, said "i love you too soon", etc. etc. and when I pointed out that my partner and I progressed in our relationship on a similar timeline, she got annoyed and said "yeah but this is different". Then she proceeded to talk about how "Bestie #2" is a "hot mess" with her mental instability and toxic relationship, and I listened to her endless rant about that.
All I could think about was, if she's talking about her other supposed best friends like this.... what makes me think she doesn't do the same about me behind my back?
She's also in a relationship with this guy who constantly calls her immature and acts like he's better than her, and I honestly despise the way he treats her (he can be very rude and condescending with the way he talks to her). At the same time though, I also can't really blame him because there is some truth to what he says; my best friend doesn't have her priorities straight and has been very stagnant in life with little to no desire to take any proactive steps forward in her careeschooling/responsibilities/etc. For example, she lied to her entire family saying she got her Bachelor's degree over TWO years ago and she still hasn't gotten it because she keeps failing classes. Because of this, she's also racked up thousands in additional student debt. Only her close friends know this, though. Covid's helped her pull this lie off.
I love her but I'm at a point in my life where I'm really focusing on my future career goals, I'm getting married, applying to graduate programs, and overall just working on improving myself every day. I feel like we aren't in alignment anymore. I don't like to drink or smoke ; she does. She spends a lot of her weekends going to bars and breweries with her other friends and boyfriend, and she smokes marijuana on a weekly basis. She is also a bit emotionally immature. I'd talk to her about this, but I recall a time when Bestie #2 expressed something similar, and of course...... I listened to a 1 hour rant of her complaining about it.
It's honestly crushing me that this is how our friendship feels now, and it's been bothering me for over a month. I talk to my family (who all know my best friend really well), and they think I need to establish boundaries and stop making myself readily available whenever she asks to hang out, yet she can't reciprocate the willingness. But yeah, that's it. End rant.
submitted by MysticalParadox777 to FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 02:07 International-Air-27 I (23F) may have emotionally cheated on my boyfriend (22M) of 2-3 years and I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself.

Hi all. This happened two years ago and I have already told my boyfriend but I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself. I hate myself & I often think I would be better off dead for what I did. If I could take it back I would in a heartbeat.
I at the time (21F) was with my boyfriend (21M) for about 2 and a half years -3 years. We have had our ups and downs and a few breaches of trust on his part but we seemed to overcome it. We had been living together for a year and my boyfriend had started taking up gaming, so much that we barely hung out. I voiced my concerns for a while but nothing really changed. At work I met this coworker that at first I didn’t find attractive. We would talk every once in a while but we didn’t talk more until a few months went by and he requested me on IG. I accepted & then we started talking on snapchat. I ended up confiding in him with my issues with my boyfriend not giving me attention & not knowing what to do since i had already talked to him about it plenty of times. We would send good morning/ goodnight texts for like 2 days straight & one night my boyfriend went through my phone. the conversations were all on snapchat but i set the convo to save because I genuinely didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. He was very upset so I ended up blocking coworker from social media & only talked to him at work occasionally.
Unfortunately, a few months later, i decided to start talking to coworker and this time he would flirt with me. I found it very flattering and it made me feel wanted since i felt abandoned in my relationship. I ended up flirting back (never sexual) but still. This went on for two months. We would flirt at work and joke around and then i would text him after work to flirt a little more. I opened up to him just like i do with other friends but i now see that is definitely inappropriate especially with someone or the opposite gender. I started thinking about what it would be like with him (I barely knew him so it was just a fantasy in my head). He eventually confessed his feelings & I didn’t stop taking to him for another few weeks. I definitely led him on & sent him a song saying “i have a man but i want you” & although I don’t believe I had feelings for him, just attracted to him, but I have started to doubt myself ( I have severe ocd so I’ve been questioning everything). I was getting the validation and attention I craved in my relationship from this coworker. I justified talking to him because I didn’t think I did anything wrong.. After a few weeks I got a job offer somewhere else and left & basically didn’t talk to him anymore after that. After a month or two I was reading an article about flirting and emotional cheating & that is when I confessed to my boyfriend. He was heart broken & it killed me that I was the cause of it. I am so against cheating & it literally eats me alive thinking that I did this to the man I love. I don’t know how or why he forgave me but I often find myself contemplating suicide because i’m such a horrible person!!!
TL;DR : I’m not really sure what I’m looking for as far as responses but, feel free to tell me how horrible of a person I am because I already know. Although the emotional affair lasted 2 months & I don’t think I had feelings for the guy, he was just giving me what i wanted, I don’t believe I can forgive myself as this went against all my values. What should I do/ Can do???
submitted by International-Air-27 to relationships [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 02:07 Active_Today_2434 Missing my ex when I was treated wrong

Where do I begin. I’m 22 years old and just got broken up with by the love of my life.
It all started when I was 19 and she was 22. The first couple of months was a blast, and this was my first REAL relationship.
I was a different guy back then. I was surrounded by the wrong people daily with my job (don’t won’t to get into it) when I say wrong people I mean they go looking for one night stands, cheating and all that stuff. Pretty much yes I cheated. This was 2 years ago and I regret everything that I was. Now some people just hide it but I told her. I guess this is what started the Rocky Side of the relationship. It wasn’t all because of that though but I do take fault. I would say I wasn’t the most lovely boyfriend in the world and to this day it kills me how I acted. I also went to the wrong people for advice and I listened to them e.g breaking up multiple times. It wasn’t just me who was toxic in the relationship, she would start a lot of fights. I don’t really wanna say what she did because this post is about me not what she did. Just know it was bad on both sides.
After time I definitely looked at myself and this whole situation and I hated myself and who I was surround by. I changed. People say a cheater never changes but I did. I left that job and never spoke to those people again. I knew what I wanted and who was there for me. I pretty much did a full 180. I stopped fighting I gave her all my attention. I was a good boyfriend now, did all the boyfriend stuff i would buy her flowers every week, send her constant messages about how much I care and love her. And all this other stuff. This happens for about 6 months. But I never saw her change. She would still fight at me and every time I would bring something up what she’s doing that’s not nice to me I got into trouble and yelled at.
I then got on her phone and saw she messaged her best friends saying not nice stuff about me. How I’m the worst guy ever and how it’s annoying how I’m trying so hard. This really broke my heart as iv been showing love for 6 months trying my best to get us to how we started and having no love in return at all. I confronted her about it and she just screamed when I would talk about it. So it kinda got dropped.
A couple of months go by and I’m still trying. But sadly I got news that someone passed away. I was a train wreak but all she did was nag me about what I wanted in the relationship when I told her that I have this on my mind. She just didn’t drop it and I would yell at her to leave me alone because she would spam call me asking about our relationship.
I felt so alone, I saw her 2 days after that and we talked. I still asked her if we could keep trying even though I was hurting about the news and not having her there to be there for me. I pretty much broke down in front of her. She said no….
We met up a week later and talked about the rocky stuff in the relationship and both cryed and I still wanted to be with her even though I probs shouldn’t and I’m my heart I knew it was bad what she did. Nooo being there for me.
She pretty much moved out but it’s 3 months down the line and I dream of her every night. I miss her soo much but I’m also hurt what she did. I don’t even know if I would get back with her but I miss her so much. I told her she was the one for me and I ment it. I am feeling so alone and heart broken and I wish this never happen.
What do I do. Do I say I miss her or text her? Or do I suck it up. This is so hard because she wasn’t there for me and I get it. We both knew I started this toxic stuff but I miss her so much. I want to text her and let her know but she might say no again….
submitted by Active_Today_2434 to Advice [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 02:00 thelightmaster7 Hogwarts (Harry Potter) vs Scp 106 (Scp mythos)

So after escaping a foundation site lets say Scp 106 finds himself in the wizarding world and decides to go after Hogwarts. How much damage can he deal and can the wizards stop the old man.
Round 1: Scp 106 starts off at the entrance to hogwarts at night, no one knows anything about Scp 106.
Round 2: Same as round 1 but this time Dumbledore and the other teachers get the basics on what Scp 106 is (The knowledge of Scp 106 is what is written on it's article minus the containment procedures).
Round 3: Same as round 1 but everyone in hogwarts knows Scp 106 is there and what he can do.
Bonus: The sorting hat is placed on 106's head, what house is he put in?
Rules: For Scp 106 to win Scp 106 must kill or take at least 200 students/teachers into his pocket dimension. For Hogwarts to win they must kill Scp 106 or make him go into a state of dormancy. This is article base scp 106 so no extended canon feats. Cosmology equalized.
submitted by thelightmaster7 to whowouldwin [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:57 lifecoasting Almost 24 and my massive college failure is killing me

If there was a flair for all of the above I would have selected it, I have been in a really horrible spot in life for the last 3 years.
I live with my single father who I don’t have a great relationship with and we are a lower class family. I understand still living with my father at my age should be seen as a privilege, and I am aware of that. I am overall respectful to him and his house and am thankful for all he does for me, despite how horrible he may make me feel at times.
I am in my tenth semester in a four year CS program and will not be graduating until april of 2024. I have retaken over three entire semesters worth of courses in my time at school be it from dropping a class midway through or failing it. I work part time at a gas station during school and have never worked a job related to my field but have pretty much always had part time employment during school since I was 16 and worked full time general labour positions in summers. I am almost 30 thousand in debt in student loans and i am running out of money. Last year because of my horrible academic performance I was restricted from receiving loans and paid my last two semesters out of pocket. I only took 3 courses in each semester so I could afford it and because clearly I can’t handle 5. To top it off I have been hiding most of this from my father, siblings, and friends. They are now aware that I have failed some courses since i’m still in school after 4 years, but they don’t know the reality of my situation and that I still have another year to go.
This entire situation has been eating me alive and I am finding it harder and harder to keep going. I have thought about killing myself everyday for the last 3 years and that isn’t an exaggeration. I cannot go a day without thinking about ending it, some days are really bad and i’ll go into deep contemplation but others it’s just a thought in the back of my head that never goes away. My life has felt like nothing but endless stress and i don’t want to do it anymore.
submitted by lifecoasting to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:51 pocapilot Looking inward made me realize my reality is a delusion and I don't know what to do

(I'm 19, male.) I'm posting this here because I don't feel like I have anyone else to share my thoughts with. And that's my own fault.
This morning I opened up an old document on my computer from sometime last year. In it, I had written down all the people I had disappointed, and rereading it captured my attention and made me think over my life.
I started connecting the dots, which made me remember some other things I had been suppressing. I don't trust anything about myself. I don't trust my hands as I write this, because honestly I fear that I'm just twisting things and exaggerating things in order to make my life seem like something more than it is. Like I want my life to be some sort of story, to have some sort of meaning that it doesn't.
I feel like my whole life has just been me, a being without a soul, whose only identity is his lack of one, trying to aggressively mimic and imitate other people. I feel like my entire life has been a half-conscious dream, a delusion.
I'm sorry if you feel disturbed by this. I don't think I'm very sane, so sorry if this is disturbing or insane and deranged. I'm only writing this here because I have no one else to tell this to. I don't want to bother or disturb or show my real self to anyone I know in real life, so I have to post this here.

I realized that I've never been normal. I've always hurt people. When I was a child, I hurt and bullied other children. I did things I can't repeat to anyone, ever, to other children, before I was even 10 years old. Things that would justify my death a hundred times over. Even if I didn't realize the full extent of it at the time, I still did it.
Even as I grew older, I might have driven a girl, my classmate, to kill herself just three years ago. I ruined the experience of dozens of people in school. I might have even been one of the main reasons why my crush skipped school all the time, and didn't even show up for graduation.
I worried and disappointed my teachers, friends, family. I lost all the friends I ever made, except for two or three. I likely traumatized multiple other children as a child, and likely played a part in my classmate killing herself. As the the teachers and students from my school left to go to her funeral, I was smiling and laughing with a friend, who like me had decided not to attend her funeral.
Nobody has ever known who I am, and the only person who I felt like I wanted to be with, like I wanted to open up to and reveal myself to, I managed to drive away from me, and likely ruined years of her life.
When I was 14, my father yelled at me for staying home due to my anxiety regarding my appearance. At the time, I was fantasizing about taking a knife and cutting all the imperfections off of my skin, since I would have panic attacks every time I looked in the mirror.
Looking back, it wasn't as bad as I thought, but when it drove me to neglect social demands, my father, after having yelled at me for what felt like an eternity, told me "I don't know who you are. You're not my son. I want my son back." because I chose to stay at home over my acne rather than going to visit my grandmother on her birthday and spending an entire day out in public.
My parents later brought me to a psychologist by tricking me to get into the car and bringing me into the hospital like a convict. I felt like they were trying to kill me at the time, that they were trying to convince a professional that I was to be changed, like they were trying to reset a computer. They were trying to open me up and rearrange my mind with drugs to make me into someone else.
I've never let anyone into my inner world, or shared my experience with anyone, except for a couple of people who I felt a connection to, who I felt were like me. One of them was a friend who I haven't spoken to or seen in over a year now. The other was my high school crush, who I haven't seen in close to a year. I think I played a part in driving them away from school, which is where I met both of them.
I love my family more than anything. I love the few friends I still have, and al the friends I have lost. I still love the girl I fell in love with in high school, and I can't forgive myself for all I've done. I don't see the point in anything anymore.
If I told any of them the things I've done or if I wrote it out in detail to any of you, you'd tell me without a moment of hesitation that I deserve to die, that I never should have existed in the first place. I don't think I'm a real person. I'm an empty vessel which is only defined by its emptiness, all I can do is destroy and corrupt and consume.
TL;DR: I don't know what I should do, I don't know who I am, my own name feels foreign to me, as it always has. All this time I've been trying to figure out where I went wrong, but now it's clear that I was born wrong. All my beliefs and conceptions of reality are shattered and I can't forgive myself. It feels like my whole life was just an insane, deranged dream.
submitted by pocapilot to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:50 2222wwww1 DEVIANTE - 18yr teen college babe with amazing puffy pink nipples and firm tits wearing tight yoga pants cheats on her boyfriend in the gym lockers with the young student he bullies

DEVIANTE - 18yr teen college babe with amazing puffy pink nipples and firm tits wearing tight yoga pants cheats on her boyfriend in the gym lockers with the young student he bullies submitted by 2222wwww1 to Electrbc [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:48 JustBoughtaJumboCock Can I Use Credit Cards to Flee to a Different State?

Hello, I'm a 21 year old college student. I have decided to drop out of college and leave Maryland. I was planning to start driving by car to Texas and live in either my car or a homeless shelter Sunday morning. I'm wondering if I can survive off credit in Texas until I can find a good homeless shelter and a part time job. I've had it up to here with maryland and I'm ready to kill myself if I have to stay in this crappy state any longer. Would I be able to recover after a year of living off credit?
submitted by JustBoughtaJumboCock to CreditCards [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:46 msktrna Noro/SV, am I in the clear from potential infection? *no censors*

If you saw my previous posts, I did in fact end up seeing my boyfriend. We’ve been together for about 5 hours now and he’s fast asleep (it’s almost 1am here). I’m exhausted too, but nauseous. It was 22 days ago that he threw up, and the last day anyone in his home did (his mum threw up that day, his brother 2 days prior, his dad was fine). I have this huge fear that he’s brought virus to my room through his clothing. He’s been sleeping in my bed of course, laying on my pillows, just generally interacting with loads of things in my room, naturally. Of course I can’t see bacteria to know the answer. I do however know that - as far as I’m aware - clothes need to be washed at 60c to kill viruses, and I am almost 100% they won’t have done so. However, it’s been 22 days now.
Would the virus have died on any and every surface? Hard or soft? On clothes? Do you think there’s any risk for me to get what they had? Or have I waited plenty of time to be safe? I’m very nervous to sleep in case I wake up sick, considering that’s what happened last time and my partner was also here. Any advice is so warmly welcomed right now. Biology is my friend at the moment, along with any rational input since I can’t seem to believe myself. I’m laid in bed half asleep but also wide awake because so much is running through my head. Specifically that there could be virus literally almost everywhere in my room cause he’s used so many things lol.
I’m usually not too bad at rationalising things, but this is the first time my partner has had what we think was a virus and his family members too, and I’m in a very terrible place in terms of my emet and mentally and I just don’t have the capacity to do it alone right now. 😩
submitted by msktrna to emetophobia [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:33 SessionSimilar8085 Japanese movie about 2 high school soccer players who sit by a river for the whole movie

I used to fly on delta planes a lot and there was a movie I watched out of boredom about 2 Japanese high school students who sat by the river and just talked and didn't do much else. One of them was a varsity soccer player and the other was just a normal dude. Anyone know then name?
Also there was another one about a family who had an aunt who used to make bombs but fled to china to evade jail. She comes back and starts making bombs again but accidently almost kills one of the little girls.
submitted by SessionSimilar8085 to whatsthemoviecalled [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:30 SessionSimilar8085 [TOMT] Japanese movie about 2 high school soccer players who sit by a river for the whole movie

I used to fly on delta planes a lot and there was a movie I watched out of boredom about 2 Japanese high school students who sat by the river and just talked and didn't do much else. One of them was a varsity soccer player and the other was just a normal dude. Anyone know then name?
Also there was another one about a family who had an aunt who used to make bombs but fled to china to evade jail. She comes back and starts making bombs again but accidently almost kills one of the little girls.
submitted by SessionSimilar8085 to tipofmytongue [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:20 Mindless_Ad4307 This process has sucked the life out of me

Idk if its just me or everyone but the past 9 months have been the worst of my life. I got rejected from my ed1 and ed2, deferred from my eas and accepted only ro my safeties. Im a model student with good ecs and yesterday when i got accepted to one of my targets, thought i would finally be satisfied. But all my friends around me are getting into their dreams and yes ivy day is next wekk but this wait is killing me and im fairly confident my dreams are not gonna work out.
submitted by Mindless_Ad4307 to ApplyingToCollege [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:14 throwRApl33s My (33f) mom (50f) just moved in with me and I can’t handle it

My mom is living with me and I can’t handle it.
After 7 years of living in a city an hour away from home, I have now moved back to this city for college at a great school. Coming back here, my family is a huge burden on me. I do pretty well in life, although being a college student at age 33 I’m still struggling. I have an internship, full time college, and a dog. To make ends meet I am a camgirl as much as I can as it’s easy money and I already work over 50 hours between my internship and school.
6 months ago my mom lost her apartment due to the building being sold. She moved in with my brother, which I knew was a horrible idea, and lived there for 6 months. A few weeks ago, he kicked her out. They were arguing and she threatened to punch his girlfriend, etc. she has not been working as much as most people, part time at an easy job caring for a 3 year old with autism.
When my brother kicked her out, she started staying with her friend. It was not easy as they were fighting all the time and a few days ago, she called me and cried saying she had to get out of there asap and had nowhere to go. I don’t understand this as I had just talked to her friend whom I ran into at the grocery store and she had said they were doing fine, my mom could stay for 2 more months, except she was sitting around all day and not working enough.
When I was 19 I lived with my mom for a year. After never having lived with her before, it was the worst year of my life. One time she had a boyfriend over, and they were fighting at 4 am, I got upset because I worked at 6 am. My mom came out of the room after her boyfriend left and beat me saying “you made him leave it’s all your fault!” That day I went to the hospital and had to have my face drained of blood from two swollen black eyes.
It took me years of therapy to work through this, and I still have trauma from my mom. I have forgiven her so far, but certainly I’m not over it enough to be comfortable with living with her. We don’t get along at all. I’m extremely passive and calm, and she is the complete opposite. Extremely reactive and triggered easily. She can be verbally abusive and violent.
She crashed her car over the weekend. My dog went missing and she took it upon herself to go look for him. I told her not to, as driving around wasn’t going to yield results, and she did anyway. She got into an accident which was her fault as she ran a stop sign. She now has no car, and nowhere to live.
Today she asked me for a ride. I asked her hat for and she said she wants to go hang out with her friend at a hotel. I said, I don’t think that’s a productive use of your time. She blew up and screamed at me, told me she never wants to see me again, and left with all her things.
This past few days I am not doing well. I am not able to cam as she’s in the house all day and it’s just not private enough. I can’t bring myself to tell her that if I’m not doing that I won’t be able to afford my apartment and neither one of us will have a place to live. Her father (my grandfather) has offered her to come stay there in Puerto Rico for a few months as a vacation. She refused this offer, as she doesn’t want to leave her life. I failed my exam today as I’ve been so overwhelmed emotionally that I couldn’t focus. I still have trauma I’m working through with my mom, and I need to be working or I’ll be homeless too. I don’t know how to handle this.
submitted by throwRApl33s to u/throwRApl33s [link] [comments]