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2.5 years ago I saw a girl that fit my type exactly and I ended up asking her out and we hit things off right away to where we agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend after the first date, the chemistry was that good.
The first year of the relationship I was just kind of a bad person and that led to her crying a lot.
The last 1.5 years, it was more due to me being a bad person that caused her to cry a lot. I put this girl through the ringer, including telling her "I don't miss her" (not with bad intent; I just didn't feel her void in my life yet on that vacation), telling her "you look Amish" after she got all dressed up once (I might have mild Asperger's?; not sure) and more socially unaware episodes like that.
​
She broke up with me in May after I let my room get disgustingly dirty due to depression, and feeling like I wasn't listening to her. She ended up taking me back after a few days, after I promised to be better with cleaning, listening to her, and trying Adderall. After she took me back, I just remember looking at her with the most admiration I've ever looked at anyone in my life and being so grateful to have another chance with her.
​
We had a good summer living together; there was a few conflicts because she had to teach me how to do a bunch of chores that I never learned at home. I did my best to change for her and to be cleaner, but I was starting at such a deficit that it ended up causing a lot of problems.
​
We agreed to try to do long distance the last 4 months and I ended up getting very complacent with our relationship. I would travel 8 hours to see her every few weekends, which I was proud of, but in terms of the long-distance parts when we were away, I totally neglected to Facetime her and didn't really enjoy listening to how her day was. We would facetime for like 15 minutes total some weeks.
​
There were a few incidents in particular that upset me, like when I neglected to wash her $80 bikini after it accidentally ended up going home with me after our vacation and it ended up getting mold, getting her a birthday gift a few days late (because i was so obsessed with getting the perfect one) and just generally not listening to her.
​
When she came to visit me two months ago, I ended up losing her prescription at a pharmacy 3 minutes away because I went to a nearby store to try to get her sprinkles for ice cream we had back at home. She said that was a turning point and it led her to viewing me as incompetent. (I have ADHD that I couldn't take medication for due to bad side effects).
​
Well, after that, we talked for a few weeks after and we decided to give it one last try, where I went up on a first date with her two weeks ago. She said it felt "hollow" and that though she was content, it did't feel right (no shit, we were broken up for 6 weeks) and then the next day I ended up crying in front of her asking for another chance. After that didn't work, we ended up spending the last 2 days together, where I was pretty aloof and rude, which I regret being. I ended up kind of being a nuisance the last two days.
​
She ended up texting me later saying "before, I never thought the chances of us getting back would be 0. Now, though, seeing how much better my life is without you, it is 0."
​
As unbelievable as it sounds, I never really acted maliciously, I am just pretty emotionally stunted and immature. Now I'm really down because this girl treated me perfectly with such tremendous patience, checked all my boxes (like seriously, every one--she was out of my league) and I mistreated her to where I will never have a chance with her again.
​
The way I was raised, a partner was someone you enjoyed spending time with and got gifts for, as opposed to someone that you learn the intricacies of their every day life and learn about their day and bake them gifts, etc.
I'm now realizing that regardless of my next girlfriend, I'm going to have to do that emotional labor anyways and listen to how their day was, but now I'm bummed because it will be the same cost for what I can't imagine to be as good of a reward.
I'm just sad how little of a chance I gave us. I wish I could go back, be on my meds, listen to her, and maybe be cleaner. Maybe then, we would have had a chance.
​
Now, it feels like I crashed a Lamborghini as a five year old, and now I'm gonna have to settle with driving a Prius to work later (and do my best to forget that I ruined my chance of a Lamborghini).
TL;DR: I mistreated my ex due to some immaturity, wish I had been able to go back and take my ADHD meds and maybe give us a chance.

^{I have been lurking on reddit for a long time so I can kind of guess the responses I am going to get from this.. but if you want to criticize, please do it in a constructive way, please do not immediately start attacking me or my family. I really need to vent.
And I've titled every part so you can skip those that don't interest you. I've laid as much info as I thought might need to be less biased.}
​
I am 25F, I have a mother (55+), father (60), and a brother (32). I love Liam (26M). We've been friends for 4 years, been in a relationship for about 1.5 years.
I live with my parents. In our culture, living with your parents at my age and taking care of them is normal.
​

Background:

From childhood, my mother has considered me her best friend, and so did I. I used to share EVERYTHING with her, and so did she. She knew all my friends, she knew my all my plans with my friends, she knew when & what I was doing - because I always kept her informed about my whereabouts as she seemed to be mostly cool with it. I considered her pretty open-minded about everything, my friends love her. And from her I knew how shitty our relatives was, some in-depth info about the relationship with her & my father, how she actually feels about my brother (long story), and many other "family" stuff which I doubt any mother tells their daughter.
My father is very chill but very protective of me. He has always been a great father who has always gave me & my brother advises about life in general, in every stage of our life. It is always a delight every time I talk to him about any serious issue. He has had a rough childhood which I feel has made him a wise man he is today. I have always considered him to be calm, kind, and understanding, and I have huge respect for him. I just never had that "best-friend" kind of relationship with him. We do have a good relationship, but just not as close as my mother.
With my brother, it is a bit different. we've never gone past the "joking sibling" phase. Hard to explain - I feel okay to joke around with him, but we've never had any serious convo about anything. We'd share the movies we've seen, share new music we've explored, joke about how the lady next door walks like a sloth - but never about how is his job going or why he is feeling depressed and does he need someone to talk to, or why I am crying because I was overthinking some stuff, or how our childhood went together... we never talk these things which now makes me sad.
Liam is who I love. He has been a great friend from the very beginning, he has helped me in a way I never thought I needed help with. I always had self-image issues, my confidence level was low and for that I wasn't doing very good at my career. It is only him that I got to explore the confidence in me, and this is all before we got into relationship.
​

Where the issue started (as per me):

My view of my mother was always like "she's a victim of injustice and I need to back her up". I always sided with her about everything because the way she usually tells stories, that makes the other person look bad. She has always told me that my father was very doubtful of her when she talked with his male friends, father always got angry when she wanted to spend money on something, other relatives "talked shit" directly to her and they mean bad for her etc. One bad habit of her was this, she used to talk bad about father a lot.
Now, I am not even defending my relatives because I know they're not good people. But for my father.. it was not really believable whenever she said those things, but I believed her anyway. Idk why.
Also my family, ESPECIALLY my mother is very opposed to love marriage. Can't really blame her, she grew up in a way where, at any age, getting invovled romantically with a boy meant a forcefull marriage to another boy which the family chooses for her. It didn't happen with my mother, just pointing it out so you can get an idea of her mindset about love & relationships. She always sees it as a bad thing.
So, as I mentioned earlier, I shared everything with my mother. In 2021, when I first got into relationship with Liam, I thought it'd be cool to share it with my mother. And I did. At first, she was very much acceptable about it. At one point, she straight up told be "I'd happily accept Liam as our son-in-law, i have no problem!" I was beyond happy! Mind you, at that point she didn't even know him, never saw a picture of him.
I used to inform my mother everytime I went with him. She seemed cool with it.
But then idk why, things went south. One day last year, I was about to go out with Liam, and before that my mother was yelling at my brother for some reason. And then suddenly all the heat turned to me. I was the one getting yelled at because I am in a relationship against her will. I was at complete lost. I argued back with her, that he is a good man and you should meet him before coming to any conclusion. She just went nuts. I still went out that day, and after that I stopped sharing everything with her.
A lot of drama has happened after that incident. The very next day, my father, for the first time ever, cried infront of me. Calmly saying "I have shifted my focus from building my career to something detremental and by doing so I have destroyed their dreams" My mother always dreamt that I will get a high paying secure government job, instead I am doing a somewhat good paying job in web development WHICH I LOVE DOING but just in private sector. I am also doing freelancing which adds up to my earning. I have stopped trying for govt jobs because that's really hard to get and I don't want to put all my energy in doing something I don't really want to do. They think I am destroying my career.
​

Current situation:

For the past year, me and Liam were dating in private. His family also didn't know about me, but he always said that his mother & father won't have any problem with our relationship. And it turned out to be true actually, 2 days ago he informed his parents about me and I talked with his mother over a phone call. She made it clear that if me & Liam are sure and think that we can live with each other, they don't have any kind of problem with me.
I told my mother last week about talking to Liam. She agreed but said she will only talk to his parents. I was like "okay" and then arranged a call with them. She talked with his mother, the conversation was going good. At one point I heard she said "Oh I am so greatful that I have a friend now!" and Liam's mother laughed. I was beyond happy that my mother was finally convinced!
But after she put the phone down, she went to trash talk about Liam's mother. "His mother will be viscious mother-in-law, I know it. She will make you (me) work like a slave and I know you will not get to keep your job after marriage. They will make your life hell" so on and so forth.
Before all this, me & Liam have had very long and multiple conversations about all stuff like - if his family has any problem with me working after marriage, if his family expects me to cook for the whole family without any help at first, does his family supports love marriage, will his family expect me to cut ties with my parents after marriage. if his family likes girls at all (he is a single child), how financially stable we need to be in the long terms, how we're going to handle finances, investing and stuff, we've talked about our children, our medical conditions... like all the stuff that we consider is vital for a marriage. So I was pretty clear about him, and so was he.
It baffles me how after 3 days of talking to his mother, my mother still continues to say bitter things about him, his family, his neighbours even, without even knowing him properly! I don't know, I feel to distant with her. I am not angry with her in any way, I truely understand where she's coming from. I am just disappointed in her that she's not even considering that I love him, before saying all that hurtful things.
And my father, he has finally accepted my decision. Though he is not in full support of it, he says to me "Just make sure you're happy afterward. Because that is the only thing my heart wants to see".
​

The part that changed my perception:

During all these situation, I have got to talk with my father a lot. I have realised how much similarity Liam and my father has, which makes my heart warm for some reason.
My father has given me advises that I hope my mother would have gave me. Now that I am considering marrying Liam, my father told about his own experiece after marriage. He told me how understanding we both (Liam & I) have to be in order to have a healthy marriage. How I need to handle the bad days because they are inevitable. How we both should handle different opinions, different views. How I should be respectable to his parents as I am to my parents.. and many other things he told me yesterday.
During which, he mentioned, that jealousy is a valid emotion in a marriage, especially in the beginning. He said, Liam will and have all the rights to get jealous if you spend time with you male friends alone and without his knowledge. And vice versa. An example he gave, how my mother argued with him when he talked to a female infront of my mother, and my mother got sooooo angry that they argued like crazy.
That made my head go upside down.
I always thought my mother was the "open minded" one. SHE was the victim of being doubted with male friends, SHE was the one with whom father would argue because of it.
Mind you, my father don't know about the stuff my mother used to tell. He then continue to told other things also, which then made very much sense to me.
I remember I have heard my mother twist some words about some things to my father, and my father being upset and I never understood why.
I remember she saying about a person that "he's bragging about his son being in medical field so that I can be jealous" to which I thought he was just informing about his son, not bragging, because it was my mother who asked about his son.
Recently, she straight up villainized Liam's mother. Because as per her, Liam's mother rudely said "I don't want your agreement in our children's marriage" which is straight up lie! I was their when they were talking over a phone and the way Liam's mother said it to my mother was "actually I think they are old enough to decide for themselves, and I don't think Liam needs my permission to do what he wants" that was what Liam's mother said.
My mother, after the call, was furious about it. And I said it to her "may be you've misunderstood" and then my mother proceeds to tell me that "Oh now I am the liar?? She's the good one, I am the bad one??" And then smiled sarcastically and went away. I felt so horrible about it.
​

My brother:

There's nothing to mention about him, really. He's a 32 year old, doing everything my mother says, have a unreasonably high temper which gets triggered by smallest things, posts sad content on Facebook and bitches about a neighbors to my mother. That's it.
Unaspiringly he opposes the relationship as well. He had one relation which failed because my mom interfered in his life. The girl wasn't good in my opinion but I think it should have been him to end it all, instead of my mother getting involved unreasonably. He was 26-27 at that time so he should have been more than capable of this.
​

After thought:

I am not villainizing my mother. She is my mother and I love her, very much that I am willing to do everything to care for her and get the life she wanted from her childhood. I look for her when I get back home, I look for her the first thing when I get up in morning, I look for the regular tea breaks in afternoon where we used to gossip about stuff and laugh together.
But I am honestly tired of feeling guilty over the expectation my mother have of me. Overtime, I did something that is out of her expectations, she made sure that I know she's upset. I felt horrible every time, I felt I don't deserve to live even. I have gotten so depressed over it 2 years ago, that I had to take 1 week leave from office just to sit in house and think about how horrible daughters I am.
​
​

Mom, just so you know, I have gotten over it. I have gotten over the guilt that I have trapped myself in for a very long period of time. I might regret my decision to marry Liam against your will in future, or not, I don't know. But I sure as hell know that when the time comes that I have to leave this house, I will miss you. A lot. I cried last night just thinking about a life without your voice, your ocaasional kiss on my forehead, the way you fix my dress before a big event even though we argued prior to that. I know that I care about you from the bottom of my heart, and I hope that one day you see the light in all your dark & negative thoughts. I love you.

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So I’ve been battling with both anxiety and depression for the last seven years and last six months, I felt good better than I have in a long long time. But I don’t know what’s going on, but I suddenly feel like nothing is worth it anymore.
I’ve been ignoring everything assignments tests just staying in my room and laying in bed. I even skipped my classes today.
I don’t know if this matters or something, but my closest friend is basically going through a mental breakdown and it just reminds me of myself and the situation I was in a couple of years ago.
And she’s the only person currently that I could talk to because the people I trusted before we’ve kind of lost touch, and I don’t know how to talk to her without making things worse for her.
I wish there is someone I could talk to, but at the same time I have really really bad trust issues and I don’t open up to people. The last person apart from my friends that I let in broke my heart, so people are not really my favourite right now.
I just need something, I don’t know what but I just want to feel better. I was doing so well and I hate feeling so empty. I hate feeling like I don’t care because I care. Just can’t get myself to do anything about it. I don’t know what to do I just want this to go away.
I haven’t felt like this in a year. Even then I didn’t feel this bad. I can’t seem to figure out why I’m just so unaffected by anything rn. I don’t know what triggered me.
I’ve cried all morning and honestly I hate being vulnerable I just don’t want to feel this awful anymore.

I’m being referred to a Fibroscan for the following results on ELF blood test. How concerned should I be?
Hyaluronic acid level 62.7 ng/mL Serum procollagen type III N-terminal propeptide level 10.4 ug/L [< 6.0]; Above high reference limit TIMP-1 267.0 ng/mL ELF Score 9.8 score
Thanks in advance

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