Tires plus

xbiking: adventure on a bike

2018.09.17 03:41 RipVanBinkle xbiking: adventure on a bike

This is an adventure-biking sub dedicated to the vast world that exists between ultralight road racing and technical singletrack. All-road, crossover, gravel, monster-cross, road-plus, supple tires, steel frames, vintage bikes, hybrids, commuting, bike touring, bikepacking, fatbiking, single-speeds, fixies, Frankenbikes with ragbag parts and specs, etc. are all fair game here. The unifying element is the mentality! Ask a question, share a thought, post a photo, connect with other riders.
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2008.11.03 13:54 reddit for mountain bikers

A cycling community enthusiastic about mountain biking and all things related.
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2008.05.22 03:10 bicycling

Two wheels, or three, sometimes one, but never more than twenty. Interested in riding a bicycle? We welcome bicyclists of all skill levels including those who don't yet own a bike. Ask us your questions or meetup with other redditors in your area for local rides. Happy cycling!
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2023.03.25 01:56 b_landesb I feel way more jaunty with the basket on; plus it got new tires from the present century

I feel way more jaunty with the basket on; plus it got new tires from the present century submitted by b_landesb to xbiking [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:27 nursemattycakes Out of state driver damaged my driveway and mailbox and rendered rental car inoperable which was abandoned a mile away. How/with whom do I file a claim?

Location is Tennessee. I woke up to find a significant number of car parts scattered across my yard plus tire tracks. My mailbox was taken out as was a chunk of my concrete driveway after hitting a culvert.
The part numbers on the body panels and mechanical components scattered across my yard were from a white 2020-2022 Toyota Corolla. About a mile up the road we found the highway patrol investigating a white Corolla (airbags deployed 😵) with bumper and mechanical damage consistent with the parts in our yard.
I picked up the crash report today and the highway patrol found the driver at a nearby house and got their information including home address, phone, and drivers license number.
I don’t know who to contact—the rental company or the renter? I realize reaching out to the person who rented the car will likely be fruitless but I have no idea what the proper procedure is.
The last few times this happened the driver’s insurance reached out to us without any prompting but this feels different somehow because a rental car is involved.
I appreciate any advice you may have.
Also RIP Corolla. The culvert has destroyed a few cars being driven by drunk or distracted drivers after they leave the road at high speed since we’ve owned the house. The life of a rental car is often brutal and short.
submitted by nursemattycakes to Insurance [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 01:19 sodomy 35 [M4F] Georgetown/Washington DC/Surrounding areas - Dominant Social Chameleon ISO stimuli

An author's note: Please read this post in it's entirety before you message me, I've added a follow up to answer most of the basic questions I've been asked over the last 3 years since I started posting my AD.
All my previous iterations were mostly about what role I could fulfill; and while this mostly still is true, walking amongst the elites the last week has opened my eyes... I'm looking for a complacent trophy to put on full display. Arriving to this city I already had a deep... Passion for power, governance; and just over all domination -- Washington DC fulfills my lust, and thirst for both political power, and monetary gain. Now I want, not need an adequate toy to share this experience with. Before I was playing conservatively; not anymore,
I've allowed my ego to rampant and on auto-pilot; thus far everything is according to design.
I'm as amoral as they come; I will eviscerate my way to the top of the governmental, and corporate ladder(s). I'm a retired hacker that has realized my full potential is being squandered away, so I'll begin to kick in the doors of 3 letter agencies until recruit me; or I die trying.
I've come to the conclusion that you need to make an impression with these sort of things, so I'm going to just let my words flow freely. So here we go:
Basics:
Height: 5'7
Weight: 175, could stand to lose a few lbs to get my abs back.
Eyes: Brown eyes.
Hair: Long curly brown hair (think Slash Rose's illegitimate son.)
Race: White.
Ethnicity: Hispanic (Cuban.)
Languages: Spanish, English, Sign-language.
Profession: Network Engineer in NW DC.
Religion: Agnostic.
A little about me:
I like long walks on the beach, sunsets, oh did I mention that I'm a sadist, and that I'm utterly insane?
I've been called a silver tongued devil; Quick witted, charismatic, with just the right amount of sarcasm.
Hobbies: Not being bored, it's a lot harder than it sounds. I enjoy learning/conversing about The Universe/space, science, and technology. I was quite nomadic in my 20s, having visited two different countries, lived in over 17 states, visited over 38.
Music: I'm more of a rhythm of the beat type of person vs. lyrics, but generally I've found myself to enjoy electronica. Definitely like a lot 80s synth pop, but again, this is just the preference, not really against the rest of the genres.
Shows: Billions, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Board Walk Empire, Billions, Rome, Deadwood, Halt and Catch Fire, The Sopranos, South Park, Mad Men, Dexter,
Movies: Beetlejuice, Brain Scan, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb,
"What are you looking for?"
Well I can encompass a Master, a Dominant, or a Daddy, so it's really what can I provide for you?1
"How is such a thing possible?" Antisocial Personality Disorder (3.4 for those interested.)
"Why was it necessary to mention that?" To give credence as to how I can, and have been all aspects of Dominance.
"Monogamy or polyamory?" Favoritism towards polyamory, but seeing as it's rare to find multiple partners that allow me to explore my more sadistic side without tension, and/or drama, I'd go with monogamy if the individual allowed me to be depraved.
Preference in the following order: Slave, submissive, little (I will explain further below.)
Kinks: Sadism, TPE, CNC, bondage, degradation, humiliation, knife play, rope play, rape/abduction play, choking, impact play, spanking, hair pulling (I think you get the idea by now, there are still far more, here's a more comprehensive list.)
Experience: 15+ years.


So about that whole preference thing, as I am on the ASPD spectrum I'm capable of fulfilling whatever role(s) are required of me to get what I want. So let me explain further, I'm openly telling you far ahead of time that I lack emotions and empathy, with the hopes that me giving you the illusion of whatever it is you require, will be met with reciprocation of the kinks we can agree upon. This is where the waters get muddied for little's, I can definitely treat you like the princess you want to be, without all the douche-baggery you'll deal with as people tugging at your heart strings. Plenty of people around here pretend to be Daddies and will leave you absolutely heartbroken. Tired of games? Tired of bullshit? Well here's someone willing to give you all the care, attention, and affection you desire without any hassles.
"Why would you want to be a Daddy Dom given your lack of emotions, and empathy?"
I am a social chameleon. I've been perfecting my art for the majority of my life, I like the challenge. I like to learn people and, give them what they want with the idea that I get what I want in the end, it's called a social transaction. I know what respect is, and I believe I need to write a little about this. Once we've discussed clear limits, and terms, they shall not be crossed, it's counter productive for me to lose my play thing(s). I can be fiercely territorial of all my possessions, that includes the individual(s) I'm involved with, what is mine will be protected, whether you're a slave, a submissive, or a little.If you want someone to completely treat you like trash, I'm more than willingly to oblige, if you need a savior and a protector, well I can do that too. I'm able to encompass what is required; a means to an end.
"What are you looking for in a submissive?" I'd like it to extend outside of the bedroom, but if it doesn't, whatever, I'm not going to repeat myself, so hopefully you've read this in it's entirety.
"What are you looking for in a slave?" Mostly aesthetics, and objectification. Of course I'd expect loyalty, servitude, and there's a plethora more, but I don't feel I need to be too descriptive on this part.
Now that I've written a fucking novel about myself, let's get to you....
Age: I prefer them younger (18+) , but have dated women as old as 45; generally if I find you attractive, I won't care.
Height: the shorter the better, but I've dated women taller than myself, not a deal breaker.
Weight: I'd like someone on the smaller side, a few extra pounds will be acceptable, but no one overweight please, just not my thing.
I will list things below in order of preference, not necessarily a disqualifier. (This is only opinion, not a rating system.)
Race: White, but as long as I'm attracted I won't care, I don't discriminate.
Ethnicity: N/A read above.
Language(s): The more the merrier, accents are a huge plus, whether a southern drawl, or other.
Religion: I'm completely open to allowing you to practice whatever you'd like, just don't expect me to participate; I can be respectful of your beliefs, as long as you're respectful of mine, I am a man of science, The Universe is my religion (so to speak.)
Eyes: Blue, green, hazel, brown (If you have Heterochromia iridum you move to the front of the line, I like mutations.)
Hair: The longer the better, no preference as to style, as for color: I prefer true blondes, redheads, dirty blondes, and then brown.
Tattoos: Sure, whatever, as long as it's not overwhelming or flat out tacky, in this day in age it's harder to find someone with none, so as the trend follows above.
Piercings: Depends, some people can pull off septum piercings, but I personally dislike them, so if it compliments your facial features, sure why not. But there is definitely a breaking point where it becomes overwhelming and you just look like Hellraiser.
Education: Strong preference towards educated women, this does not necessarily mean academics, open to all.
Profession: No preference, but I do tend to like women in psychology (I have my reasons.)
Personality: If I have to learn "your" pronouns, or apologize for my "white male privilege" you can fuck right off; I don't care about politics.
Children: Strong preference in favor of not having them, unless we never intend to meet, or you don't expect a level of commitment from me to them, then I don't readily care, non-factor. To explain a tad bit, it isn't that I can't, I just would rather not raise children, I have too many plans in life that children would derail, maybe later.
If you're interested in communicating further, I prefer talking on these platforms and in this order: Discord, WhatsApp, Reddit Chat\, Skype, Kik,* open to other forms of contact.
\Reddit Chat isn't the same thing as their mailing system, just an FYI.*
Go ahead and shoot me a message, I'm waiting.

An update:
Well just to filter some things out, since I get this so many times... I will not be putting a big editorial process to this update(I say this now, after already re-reading, and editing a minimum of 5 times; I'm a slave to my own perfectionism,) so if you mostly have questions about me, ASPD, and things of the like, read this before you message me.

While I absolute love to talk about myself because I'm just such a narcissistic-hedonist, I also do get bored of repeating myself, even if it is a new person. As such read everything in it's entirety before you message me, as I'm going to entertain less, and less messages about me, and not what I'm seeking, I'd rather focus on only replying to potential partners, and absolutely nothing else, that being said if anything I have not covered in this update, or post still burns an answer from you, by all means message me.


"Were you formally diagnosed?"
I get asked about this A LOT, I'm not going to go into very many details, suffice it to say, yes, but it's been labeled as a misdiagnosis, all you need to know is I score high, and I do the things you'd expect, the pyromania, the violence that is actually associated at early age, the works, I'm not comfortable giving you more beyond that, and I will not be entertaining questions about my personal life, maybe a partner could ask me those questions, but I'm not letting you in my head, that's my game, not the other way around :).
Please do your own research beyond this point, it's borderline laziness how often I keep getting asked about this.

"Why are you so open about it(ASPD)?"
Isn't it obvious? A lot of you can't fathom why someone with ASPD would just openly come out, and admit to people, well I guess I really should've brushed up on this when I first made my post, or at least go into a far more descriptive detail than I had originally, so here goes:

If I'm ever to lead a sort of a long term relationship based on trust, and honesty, just how in the HELL do you expect me to explain this to you ever so casually? It's best to show your cards in the beginning, this is my own baggage, or some form there of.

There's two reasons I'm choosing to do this online, and vehemently under anonymity; 99% of you will be irrelevant to me, 99% of you will never meet me, it's just that simple, ergo why wouldn't I just preface my entire description as such, and as brutally honest as possible? Secondly I do not want a partner whom I need to continue to wear a mask for, I want to be me, the real me, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

What I find the most is women that fetishize the entire ordeal, that's all fine and dandy, but it does show just a lack of understanding about what APSD is as a whole, and to be perfectly blunt, you're wasting my time, I don't need to feed into your lonely thrill romance you spun in your head from watching true crime dramas. More often than not, this what happens, spare us the role-playing, I'm just not that bored.

"Empathy"
One clear distinction I'd like to make, so I can stop getting asked about it, we DO have empathy, it's just not how YOU experience empathy. Think of a light switch, by default most of the population's is on, ours is off by default, and furthermore we have the ability to turn it on, and off. Yes, it is that simple, yes we use it for manipulation, now stop asking me about this, it's boring to repeat this.

"Emotions"
Boredom, rage. This is what I'm capable of in the dark, empathy off. I'm constantly seeking stimuli, if you notice by actually looking through my posts, I've moved a ton of times, and always national parks... New atmosphere, new adventures, new dangers, you know, the shit that gets your heart pumping, adrenaline. This is my favorite drug, this is the high I constantly chase to kill the boredom. Rage is just self explanatory, my defaults are animalistic.
I am fully capable of experiencing all emotions, it's just for the most part, because I don't want do, I don't allow myself to.

"Manipulation"
For the longest time I told myself who cares if I burn bridges in my wake, I'm building a highway in its place. Mostly still true, and I absolutely use it on a daily basis for survival, I must stress, and emphasize survival, here is why; I'm human, like the rest of you, what do you do on a daily basis, if not find means, and ways to survive, and entertain yourself? I know no other way other than to use people to my advantage, I minimize the damage where I can, and move about my daily existence, guilt, and worry free about doing any wrong, an argument could be made that we all use each other in some weight, or capacity, and that's good enough for me.

I'm sure by now you're probably wondering what the hell any of that has to do with anything, it's simple if the point flew over your head, again. I'm tired of manipulating people, using them, abusing them, discarding them, I didn't grow a conscious I'm not "growing" as a person, but much more likely, I'm just bored of the routine, or the process, which has become the symphony of my life.

"Love"
I by no means ever want to experience this love you all chase like Alice clumsily falling down the rabbit hole. I've seen it so much in my life it's downright pathetic, and I actually feel bad for those of you that have such strong emotions, see empaths. You're slaves to these emotions, you let people use and manipulate you, you've been hurt, and had your heart ripped from your chest, and it feels like you no longer have purpose, lacking direction, and meaning in life. I merely know this from generally observing humans for most of my natural born life. I'm more than happy to remain the way I have always been, and never wish to experience emotions in the way you do, I find it to be an advantage, one I can apply to more important things in life, like the pursuit of knowledge.

I hope the psych nerds will now stop asking me these questions, I've paid my dues.

"Preferences"
My preferences, are just that, a list of my preferences, at no point in any of my writing did I say I was prejudice between one thing, or that I show favoritism. I merely made a chart listing some of the attributes that I myself, personally find to be significant to me, but that isn't to say, or detract from other things. It's the equivalent of asking me if I prefer Metallica, or Megadeth; well I'm going to say I prefer one over the other, but I enjoy both, and the genre as a whole, the genre being women in this case. I enjoy women for my own personal entertainment, and amusement -- which makes it all the more hilarious to me when I get called a misogynist.
so please spare me all your comments, and messages telling me that it's so "intimidating", if my post intimidates you, what can I really even begin to say about that? It doesn't sound like we'd be compatible, or much less you'd be able to accept me as a person, in any case this is a personal issue.

"You Need Help!"
I know what the help is, they just remind you repeatedly that your actions have consequences, they do not prescribe a medication for this, just therapy, and I know enough already to check myself, it really is that easy.
P.S:
"To My Adoring Fans"
You call me an edge-lord, cringe, and a wide range of inane insults, that truly don't phase me, since I get a lot of these messages, I thought I'd give you my rebuttal; just so you know I sleep naked so that anyone that doesn't like me, can kiss my ass - feel free to visit anytime!
P.S.S: I now operate, function, and walk amongst the elite of the nation; I see my kind everywhere, this is what Rome must of felt like in it's heyday; Cicero you clever bastard... I bid you all adieu -- and depart with this:
{"Το σύμπαν είναι αλλαγή. η ζωή μας είναι αυτό που την κάνουν οι σκέψεις μας.";}
Sincerely,
<~sodomy>
submitted by sodomy to r4r [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 00:44 repniclewis [FS][Boston, MA - US] *Mint* 2022 MASH All-Road Medium $2250

Rehauled the bike last week. Bike has about 700 miles on it, sad I won't be putting more in. Rainbow crackle paintjob with some matching blue components. It's and eye candy especially under the sun.
Parts list:
Will NOT come with pedals, speed sensor, or bike computer mount. Feel free to shoot me questions!
Pics
submitted by repniclewis to BikeShop [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 00:41 thatonedude1210 Welcome to ChillCraft!!

Are you tired of joining servers where everyone is OP already? Are you tired of falling behind? Lastly, are you tired of people speed running and leaving you behind? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are what I am looking for.
My fiancee and I have a realm set up for people like us who want to take our time making pretty things and the dragon comes second.
We came to this conclusion when we hosted a server and in less than 24 hours, the dragon was beat and everyone was overpowered. If you're tired of joining servers like this, we're the server for you.
ChillCraft is all about taking our time in Minecraft. So much gameplay is lost when speed running and we recognize that. That is why we created this concept!
If you're interested in joining, there are only 4 requirements.
  1. You have to speak English FLUENTLY
  2. You have to be on discord
  3. You have to be at least 18 years of age
  4. You have to be an active member of the community
BONUS) Voice chat is a huge plus!
Drop your discord if you're interested in joining our laid back experience.
submitted by thatonedude1210 to MinecraftServerFinder [link] [comments]


2023.03.25 00:05 beach-fossil I [21F] feel like I should break up with my BF [22M], but I have no one else in my life & I still love him as a person

This is my first relationship and I don’t have much else of anyone to ask for advice on this topic.
TLDR at bottom
I met my BF of 2.5 years when I was 18, during my covid year of college. He’s my first relationship. I’m very picky, but felt like he fit the bill well. He’s sweet, listens to me, never gets angry, and accepts me for who I am.
For the first year or so, I was incredibly in love with him, the thought of us breaking up was impossible to think about. We did everything together and I couldn’t stand to be apart from him.
Because I came to college during covid and everything was online, I never lived on campus. I also suffered pretty bad depression throughout 2021 and 2022. Plus, I was always just with my BF. All of this combined with being kinda socially awkward led to me never really making any friends. I’ve joined an honors co-ed frat this year to try and meet people and make friends but the people i’ve met we’ve never gotten close or hung out outside of the frat. I still have a few old friends from HS but we rarely hang out.
So, I’m really lonely in my day to day life and my BF helps with that. And he is still very invested in me and the relationship. But, we’ve exited the honeymoon stage and his flaws are really starting to wear on me.
He has untreated ADHD which leads to his apartment being filthy - which I don’t live there, so it’s okay to an extent, but it really bugs me when I’m over, and I don’t want to be doing every chore if we move in together. He plays video games all day long and rarely does anything besides that or going to class. He is always behind in his classes and often turns in work weeks late. He showers only every other day or even less. He poorly manages his time and sleeps at very odd hours, which leads to him sometimes missing our planned dates/hang outs. He’s about to graduate and I have no clue what career he’s going to pursue bc he says he has no idea what he will do, he is a history major (no offense to history majors) with a low GPA, and has absolutely 0 work experience. He says he is trying to talk to his therapist about better managing this, but it’s been months with no improvement. He also doesn’t like ADHD meds and will not take them. As someone who is a STEM student, it can be frustrating when whenever I’m staying up all night to try and finish my assignments, he’s been playing video games all day
But, he is the sweetest person I’ve ever known, and he is very good to me besides this. He stuck by me when I was in the hospital last year from a suicide attempt. Plus, I’m not perfect either. And it would hurt me immensely to ever hurt him, and thinking about breaking up with him makes me want to cry. But these issues are just wearing down my attraction to him and are really frustrating me, to the point where I do still love him but I’m no longer in love with him
Any advice at all is appreciated, because I’m a little lost. Should I try and push him more, or is this a lost cause? Thank you for reading if you read this far ❤️
TLDR: BF has unmedicated ADHD which is causing problems for him and for me, and has killed my attraction to him. But he is very sweet and I do not have anyone else in my life. I still love him as a person, but am growing tired of his flaws, and find myself wanting to leave.
submitted by beach-fossil to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2023.03.24 23:38 Top-Meringue-1375 Suicide trigger warning

I don’t know if Anyone will read this or understand but I wanted to share.
This morning I woke up and was in a heavy daze and for a moment I felt really relaxed and peaceful.
In that moment I realised that I want this feeling to last and suicide seems like a very tempting ending to a decade of suffering.
I have ptsd and hashimotos plus pmdd. I’ve worked hard to heal myself and live a healthy lifestyle. But it never seems enough to make my mind and body better.
My parents made a decision about my life a decade ago that they say wasn’t their fault and have told me for years that I don’t remember it correctly. They won’t take any responsibility for that decision. They are very defensive and immature.
For years I’ve had a uncomfortable tense relationship but would still talk to them and see them.
But the last 4 months I’ve not seen them and only once have I spoken to them after my mum checked on me.
I feel like today was a bit of an insight to a way out of this nightmare. I know I should want to fight to stay alive and fight to heal but I’ve been in survival mode for a decade, and I just feel at peace with not being Alive.
I feel like there’s nothing here for me anymore and I’m tired. I want peace and I want rest. It’s scary to reach this place because I see now how easy it is to make that decision and it not be from a clear headspace.
It’s scary to realise that you’ve found a way out and no body knows you’ve found it. It’s scary to realise that dissociation and trauma make you want that escape and it’s a place you can find it. It’s scary to realise how I have no feelings for my family. Maybe I’m to numb or bitter but I don’t feel sad at the thought of not having them in my life anymore.
I know I’m loved but I don’t feel it. I know there’s help but I’ve not received it.
Does anyone understand?
submitted by Top-Meringue-1375 to PMDD [link] [comments]


2023.03.24 23:38 dirmatt30 Honda Dealerships Poly Steel

Dealer wants me to pay for a “Poly steel” coating inside and outside plus tires for $2250. Seems like a little much when I can get a partial PPF for $1600. Is the PolySteel worth it??? I can’t really find anything about it online. Does it last?
Thanks! <3
submitted by dirmatt30 to CivicSi [link] [comments]


2023.03.24 23:31 database-database Staying PT or going back to FT

So, I'm a database professional working 30 hrs/wk for a nonprofit. I had actually tried quitting around this time last year because I was having issues with my kid getting dropped from preschools for behavior issues and I just wanted to take a break from paid work to focus on her. Was that an emotional response? I didn't think so at the moment, but maybe. My employer offered for me to go part time if I agreed to stay, so that's when I went from 40 to 30 hours.
10 hours might not seem like a huge difference, but working at least 30 hours lets me keep my benefits and it also allows me to have more flexibility with choosing a school for my kid (so I'm not tied to full day care. Currently, my schedule is that I work from 5:00am-7:45am, then take a break to get my kid up and ready for school, drop her off and then work from 9:15am-12:30pm (when I leave to pick her up from school). It's worked out pretty well, since now she's at a school where they work really well with her educational supports and I don't feel like we're at risk of being expelled like she has at bigger corporate preschools. I finish work early enough so I'm not trying to work and parent at the same time. Pretty smooth sailing (despite the early mornings).
Now, working 30 hours has come with downsides as well. Some weeks get BUSY and it can sometimes be a struggle to get all my work done in that amount of time. And while my coworkers are usually pretty good at knowing when I'm available and when I'm not, we have been working with 3rd party vendors that have asked a pretty unreasonable amount of work from me under short deadlines. It can get pretty stressful.
I talked to my supervisor today and was basically given the offer to go fulltime again. It was implied that they would be willing to negotiate on pay if the cost of childcare was the issue. I'm going to think about it, but currently I feel like fulltime isn't going to work because I feel like the only option for 2 hours or so of after school care for a preschooler would be a private sitter, and at least at my current rate of pay I feel like I would be losing money by picking up those extra 10 hours a week. Plus, I kind of like having afternoons off with my daughter!
But on the other hand, I wonder if at some point they're going to get tired of paying someone who works part time hours (but makes full time benefits) and I don't want to feel more expendable to them.
That was A LOT, but I wonder if there's some angle I'm not considering. How would you balance making at least 25% more but then having to hire out expensive private in-home care? Do I even want to sacrifice our afternoons together for more time at work?
submitted by database-database to workingmoms [link] [comments]


2023.03.24 23:26 Internal_Prune_5108 contracting 101

Residential Contracting 101
With over 20 years of building experience, I would like to share with you my insights in navigating becoming a successful contractor. With many different avenues of the building world its key to understand what problems will arise on any given day. A man once told a saying that stuck-the 6 p’s in life- Piss Poor Preparation leads to Piss Poor Performance. Preparation builds everything in construction, without preparation the jobsite will not run correctly. The best advice I was ever given was to learn a little about every trade giving you the ability to understand trade lingo and secrets. An example would be painters use the terminology flash; this means when the sub structure bleads through the paint. Subcontractors will give the best pricing if they respect your knowledge of the industry. If the subcontractor feels they will have to hold your hand through the job they will charge an extra fee…i.e. I call it the aggravation fee. In this blog I will explain the key elements in finding success in all aspects of the industry. Contracting is a physically and emotionally demanding job which requires planning and foresight to complete projects on time within budget. Picking your customer is just as important as picking your employees or subcontractors. I have worked for some of the most demanding customers leading me to question at the end if the job was even worth it. Sleepless nights, constant changes, lack of payment, lawsuit threats, adding work that was in the contract are just a few things you could face with a tough customer. With so many moving parts at all times it is critical to be able to adapt to changes within a short time frame. Materials will come in damaged, subcontractors will be late, employees will get sick, but the deadline you set does not change. The stress can be overwhelming at times keeping your mind in a good place is key to navigating all that is thrown at you. Choosing your client picking the right jobs-Keep these questions in mind The first question to be asked is what the time frame is to start the job to see if it fits within the timeframe for your business. If the time frame doesn’t work then move on from the project or let them know when you would be available to start. If the client really wants to use, they will wait until you are available. Taking on too much work will only lead to problems. Construction is a serviced based business, staying on top of the project and client will eliminate an unhappy customer and construction issues that will be over seen. With online presence if details are missed and customer service lacks it will only be a matter of time the phone will not ring. The second question to be asked to the client is do they have a budget in mind for the project. If they answer yes this is good, follow through with what the budget is. If the budget seems low let them know, this will eliminate a tire kicker, educate them on what the price range could be. If the budget seems reasonable then continue the discussion to the next question. If they answer no let them know that you can give them an estimate to see if the project is feasible with their finical capabilities. Taking on a job that is not correctly budgeted will lead to an unsatisfied customer due to non-transparency of the construction cost. The third question to be asked is anyone else bidding on the job, if the answer is yes, understand you might just be number check for the contractor doing the job. Dig a little deeper and find out how many numbers they are getting and why. If your business model is to be competitive be completely transparent with customer, this will gain trust with them. Let them know you get what you pay for and if you they choose the lowest bid it could lead into lack of quality of work.
The fourth question I will ask is there any specific subcontractors they wanted to use. If the answer is yes then I would explain to them you only use the subcontractors you have a working relationship with. Otherwise, this could backfire as the subcontractor might not show, do subpar work, talk behind your back to the homeowner. In my experience I would stay away from using any homeowner to alleviate problems down the road. A quick conversation now can save headaches down the road. The fifth question I will ask are planning on getting the job permitted, this needs to be known it takes more time for the permitting process. Plans will have to drawn submitted and approved to the city before work can commence. The sixth question I will ask if a residential remodel is are you going to be living through the remodel if yes understand this will take more time to navigate the project due to answering questions and cleaning the house on a daily occurrence. I would recommend seeing if the customer would be willing to move into an Airbnb or friends for at least the demo portion of the project. If they do plan on living through the remodel add a couple hours a day to accommodate the extra time that will be required. The seventh question I would ask in a residential remodel is how old the house is to see if there is asbestos that would need to removed by a proper company. A home built before 1979 will most likely have some asbestos in the house, use a licensed company with proper insurance to dispose of the materials. If everything looks good to this point find out a little more about the client personality. If the client seems reasonable, I would bid the job. Unreasonable people can cause you more stress than its worth. These are some red flags I would look out for. Some jobs are not worth the money. Very demanding in the way you are going to perform your job- I.e., tell you how you are going to do your job- You’re the professional not them! Give you a hard time about your price- haggle with price you estimated- The price is the price! If they are a family with little money and you want to help them out is one thing, if they are trying to beat you down is another. Mention they have a lawyer-there is no need for them to bring up that they have a lawyer - Run for the hills as if the job goes south, you will be the one losing out! Tell you what the payment terms are. It’s your business you get paid how it works for your company. If you want to get paid every Friday, put it into your contract-If the clients do not agree move on it will save you frustrations If they talk bad about the last contractor, chances are they will talk bad about you. There is a reason why the contractor does not work for them anymore, unless he did subpar work this a red flag Clients are using an interior decorator that will purchasing all of the materials- The materials could be ordered incorrectly by the interior designer your company will not make the mark-up it deserves. Interior decorators usually add time to the job as well as act like your boss. Charging a little extra for the time and stress that it will entail is only fair. Clients want to purchase the materials- You are using your knowledge to buy the correct materials-The mark up on the materials keeps the doors open working for wages only pays the bills The husband and wife do not get along-You will become the mediator between the couple it will lead to taking sides a losing proposition- A drama free work place is always best! Dangling carrot-if you do this job the next one will be better-Only look at what there offering at the present moment, if its not a good fit do not take the job for a job down the road…Its not worth chasing a job that might not happen! The Art of the Sale First things first selling your company is all about presentation. In meeting your clients for the first time show up with a collared golf shirt tucked in, belt, nice jeans, and newer shoes. Have a truck that a clean, no dents scratches, preferably washed the day you are going into your meeting. Have a leather note pad that is clean no dirt or paint visible. Show up 5 minutes early, if you’re running a little late shoot them a text to let them know. Treat the situation as if were going on a first date, best foot forward. As you introduce yourself give them a warm greeting, letting them know you are very interested in the work. Find out a little about them, hobbies, where they lived, etc etc. You are going to be working with them on a daily basis its nice to know what makes them tick. Having a good working relationship from the start is key forming a solid relationship. As the conversation progresses find out who wears the pants in the family…ie who’s the final decision maker. If its fits the wife, chances it is…..then kindly let the husband know happy wife happy life when their in a stall mate on an issue. As your looking at the project throw in some suggestions of what you think would look good from past experiences, this will get their attention that you have knowledge and want what’s best for them. If you see ways to save them money in their project let them know, money is a large point of the sale keep that in mind. Mention that you’re not the least expensive contractor but you’re not the most expensive either. Your customer satisfaction is your number one goal which leads to more time spent on keeping them happy. One happy customer will lead to another, one unsatisfied customer leads to work in the future. Bring up the fact the finishing the job on time is key goal to your business, many contractors run several jobs at once causing the jobs to be finished way behind schedule. You must stand out as having integrity, good morals, and the ability to problem solve to get the job. The clients will be testing you to see if you’re a good fit as well. Keep in mind as you take your notes that you must not forget anything they mention as it will come back before the job is completed…i.e. we mentioned that to you before we started the job! Take pictures of the proposed area for work, that way you can use it to better right your estimate. Let them know you will give them a detailed outline of when the job will be completed letting them see how long each phase will take and correlate it with your payment schedule. Before you leave their house let them know when the estimate will be sent to them. MAKE SURE YOU HIT THAT DEADLINE! Once you sent the email over with estimate make sure you get confirmation that they received it. Wait at least 2 days before checking with them, hopefully they contact you first! If they want negotiate the price, let them know that it is the best price that you can manage, its not worth losing money before you start. I closed 80% of the work I estimated by being very transparent and friendly. If you come off with an attitude charge double what the going rates are you might only land 1 out of 10 jobs as well as getting the reputation of being expensive. Bidding the job Looking up industry standards on pricing is what I would go buy for pricing. If you google the coat of any installation there will be a cost range for everything. Looking at the cost ranging from high to low I would tend to be in the middle. Some items might be low on the internet if this is the case use your best judgment not to lose money. Closing sales is key to success and keep the doors open for business. Being in the middle on pricing is key as most customers shy away from contractors that are extremely low or high on the price range. I tend not bid out hourly as wages do not pay for retirement. Bidding is better as customers no the exact price of the cost of construction. It also keeps the job moving quicker as time and material contractors take longer to complete projects…Thus costing the client more money and valuable time they could spend in their house. Using a Contract Using a detailed estimate tied to a contract covers your butt in 99% of the time. Having a piece of mind that every aspect of the job is covered in the estimate and contract protects both your company and the client. Key terms to include in your estimate/contract are. Have a schedule on excel showing the start dates and dates of each trade this will show the customer you are organized with time lines. If not written in the detailed in the estimate the item is excluded- This ensures if its not written down its not included. TBD- To be Determined- A phrase on a line item that has yet to had final decision of products or service needed. -The pricing will follow the decisions to be finalized Give out what your written warranty will be for parts and labor this changes state to state. If the homeowner provides the product than no warranty will be given on that particular item. In the contract have a start date and end date with the verbiage subject to change due to weather, product delivery, change orders Have a progress payment schedule to ensure the client understands when funding will be expected-Including if not payment is rendered service to the project will stop. Have written terms of how change orders will be charged-cost plus 20% or a set fee Make sure in your contract that arbitration is required versus going to court- This will save lawyer fees and going to court Many contracts can be found online and each state requires different contracts
Finding leads Finding leads is easy with the right network of people. I personally do not find working for friends or family members a good fit. Relationships get strained when money is involved, causing undue stress for both parties. I have listed a couple of ways to build a network or find work using the internet. Get in contact with realtor’s- Realtors have a big client base of homeowners who need work done Contact local Architects to see if they are working with any general contractors Leave some business cards at your local materials suppliers-Doowindow/lumber-many times clients will ask salesman for a referral. Join a business networking group- BNI is one of many Join a internet website lead generation company- Houzz, Angie’s List, Home Advisor, thumbtack, Yelp run an ad on craigslist Use a marketing company to market your website-This could become costly with little results Create a Facebook business page Create a Yelp business page
Building your subcontractor base Having 2 subcontractors for every trade, gives you the flexibility of completing jobs on time if the one the subcontractors is too busy at the time you need their service. Your subcontractors are the face of your business, choose owner run companies that are professional. Check to make sure there license are up to date..ie workman’s comp, liability insurance, state license. Choosing subcontractors with lettered vans, logoed t-shirts is s key to looking professional in the clients’ eyes. In the past I have gotten a lot of subcontractors for material supply shops, stopping by jobsites, researching the internet using Yelp, Home Advisor, etc etc. Once you get one good subcontractor ask them if they know any other trades they would recommend. One good subcontractor leads to another in most cases. The key to having a good group of subcontractors is to let them know that you are there to get help them get the job done. They do work for you but without them you are nothing…keep that in mind! Make them aware a clean jobsite is required at the end of everyday to ensure the proper safety for all parties including theirs! Over the years I have referred a lot of companies work when there is only 1 trade needed. Referring work to subcontractors is a good way to get top priority when you have work that needs to be completed ASAP. Timing is everything in times of emergency having a good group of subcontractors will make your business run smoothly. Pay your subcontractors immediately after performing work, this will make them feel appreciated! A happy subcontractor is one that will gladly go the extra mile for you knowing that there not just a number to your business! Buying lunch once a week for the jobsite is always a good token of appreciation!
Supervising In supervising any jobsite its key to monitor everything from materials on hand, weather, vehicle parking (if applicable), jobsite safety, and subcontractors’ workmanship. If you hired a professional there should be little supervision in the work being performed, on rare occasions a new hire might need some mentoring to get the results completed correctly. If you see a problem with there work address it with the worker directly, no need to call his boss…. building repour with the worker letting him know you got his back goes miles down the road! Checking in on the job first in the morning to answer any questions or changes that need to be conveyed and once in the afternoon to make sure all work be completed is done per construction industry standards. A job that is run blindly will have many more issues than one that is watched over. I have seen many jobs with no site supervision, leading to subpar quality work as well as safety hazards. Its better to be like an eagle than cluck like a turkey!
Working with the City/Inspectors On permitted jobs the city and site inspector will be a large part of how smoothly the job runs. Each phase of construction has an inspection allowing for the project to continue. Make sure your subcontractors are aware that the project is inspected before starting the job. The best way to stay on his good side is to provide a clean jobsite and having the job built to the highest standards possible. When having the site inspected be courteous to the inspector asking any questions or concerns you have with the work during the job. Being completely transparent will save you aggravation of problems down the road. The more he trust you the better if you seem sneaky or rude he will make your life a living nightmare! Many inspectors will have an attitude towards you….I suggest keeping quiet and doing what ever he wants….he’s the boss no need to get in a pissing match you will not win at. How to deal with irate customer Stay calm during any argument with an irate customer. Never raise your voice or show that you are bothered by their disgruntled behavior. If the customer is trying to get more from you than agreed upon stand your ground. Worst case scenario is you walk from the job, which in the long run be more of a loss for the client. I have only run into a couple of these clients; they are unreasonable and not worth losing sleep over a few dollars. Its best to terminate the relationship as it would be my best guess that a referral from this customer would not be one you wanted anyway. If you feel it was just a miscommunication on your end, take reasonability and remedy the problem. Taking accountability for your mistake will go a far way in their eyes and on future issues that arise. Prepping the homeowner pre-construction Before starting the job, it very important to give the homeowners a warning of what will happen during the construction process.
  1. All furniture in the proposed working area must be moved- I would recommend having the clients take care of this to limit the risk of damage to their belongings.
  2. There will be dust that will be in the house up to 3 months after construction-I would recommend hiring a construction cleaning company at the end of the job even so after it is cleaned dust will be present months after words.
  3. There will be conflicts between you in the homeowner at some course of the job. - You will do your best to eliminate them as quickly as they arise-i.e. material damages, miscommunication, job delays
  4. All decisions on materials must be made before the start of the job- this will eliminate job stoppage due to materials not being on site.
  5. All materials will be on site before commencement of job-
  6. Payment structures must be made per contract otherwise job will stop until payment rendered
  7. Cars are to be moved out of the driveway- Ensures ease of loading and unloading of materials/tools
  8. Give the specific hours that workers will be present- i.e. 7-3:30
  9. Determine what areas are allowed to be used as staging for tools/materials
  10. If animals are present in the home that they put outside or in a room during the day
  11. All valuables in the house are locked in safe
  12. Ask if using client’s household bathroom is okay or to bring in Porter Potty
  13. Being transparent as possible is key to keeping a great relationship with your client!
During Construction During construction it is key to take detailed photos to eliminate any damages that were not caused by the construction process. I would also make a video to ensure all areas are included. All subcontractors should also take progress pictures to ensure if problems arise in the future, they will not be responsible for any work that they did not perform. Keep an on-going log of progress to the homeowners and share the pictures for there records. This will keep homeowners excited of the progress being made. When the house is gutted to the studs it is important to have construction photos showing where all utilities are run in the walls or sub floor. If there is a problem in the future there will photos showing all utility locations. Protect all flooring with plywood or floor protective. I also like to protect front door and tarp all areas where subcontractors are to be working. Make sure to cover any chandeliers/furniture/doorways with plastic to eliminate dust. Ask the homeowners if they have any concerns that they could think of. We’re all human and possibly a detail was missed! Post Construction Phase If the project went smoothly appreciation should be shown to the customer. Find out if the husband likes a particular type of liquor. Bring the wife a bouquet of flowers. Send a Christmas card to the family letting how much you appreciated the work. You know you have done a good job if they tell you they will refer you to their friends. The best compliment you could receive is a good referral. In Summary Try to find a knitch in the market, I found kitchens to be a great remodel projects. Bathrooms are tough as they are small, expensive with little profit margin with every trade involved. Windows/doors are also another great knitch as they can be installed quickly. There are so many different remodeling items that can be stream lined to make the selling installing process flawless. Once the core group subcontractors are in place the job almost runs itself. Every day is a learning experience with new materials or methods in construction. Keeping up with codes, materials, fluctuating labor and material cost is a job within itself. Anyone can be a contractor with the right mindset.
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2023.03.24 22:39 Bright_Net_4484 I think I’m dumb

I’m 17 nearly 18f and this is a vent/asking for advice on what to do. I feel like I’m dumb and over emotional. Every little thing I do I replays in my head hundreds of times before I finally let it go. Every mistake I make I get overly upset about and self-conscious about it, plus I constantly feel like I’m being judged and talked about behind my back (I probably am being talked about behind my back)
To begin with, every little thing makes me either overly sad/excited/happy and I feel like I’m controlled by emotions. I get nervous or embarrassed to easily and I start hating myself or even getting thoughts of offing myself. I would never do that but it’s always there in my mind. Sometimes even noises like loud sounds annoy me to the point of hitting myself, I can’t work with too much noise and I feel like ripping out my hair every time I study or revise because I can’t concentrate at home?
I feel like I’m really dumb as well, like today someone tried explaining something to me and I couldn’t understand what they were saying , like I could understand their words but not what they said. Or another time when I got a message that I didn’t read properly and responded to it, obviously the person was like wtf are you on about. I just got embarrassed and coughed it up to being tired. I feel like people at my work talk about me every time I make a mistake- as a matter of fact I know they talk about me behind my back. I stutter a lot and I find it difficult to remember or say words and get stressed or annoyed when I try to speak. I sometimes repeat stuff because I didn’t say it correctly and the other person just looks at me like wtf, and I try to explain that I said it strangely but they just give me weird look. I don’t think I have social anxiety because I like talking to people and having fun but sometimes with certain people I get anxious and I don’t know why. Thanks for reading this all the way through if you did.
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2023.03.24 22:39 carolinethebandgeek AITA for asking people if I was an asshole?

At work, I know I can be intense about things when I can’t find a satisfactory answer or don’t receive help about an issue or question I have. I am also a very direct/blunt person when it comes to communicating with other people. I’m working on softening my approach. My manager also doesn’t seem to care about helping a lot of the time/gives me generic answers. When I ask for help, I get the feeling she is tired of me asking questions and wants me to shut up. Luckily, I’m getting a new manager on Monday.
I told my coworkefriend about a meeting I had yesterday because there was a “rumor” that I felt the way I do about my manager. I didn’t know what prompted this, but spoke my truth. She then told me it was basically because she mentioned to her manager, who is friends with mine, that I felt unsupported.
Said friend then proceeded to tell me for half an hour that people on the office (without evidence other than the few sentences her manager said) find me too aggressive and too direct. She said I needed to “work on my people skills” because an interaction at the company Christmas party last year was apparently “super awkward” and caused another coworker to leave our table for the majority of the dinner.
I had no idea what she was talking about in reference to Christmas, or the office. She works from home, so most of what she hears is from me and her manager, which it’s not like she gossips with the manager all day.
I came into work today and asked the people I’m usually around, plus the coworker referenced from Christmas, if I was annoying or terrible to work with. The most I got was agreement that I can be a little intense but overall, no, I am not some walking office melodrama.
I tell said friend about this and she proceeds to call me nuts, telling me asking people and going around is bonkers, that no one will ever tell me directly if I was being like that. I consider myself to be pretty intuitive to people’s reactions and emotions and other than my own manager, who assumes I’m just negative all the time and spit fire for some reason.
Have I somehow overstepped?
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2023.03.24 22:32 orionSaylor Cycling between different "goal people/identities"

Quick background: I'm diagnosed BPD, and highly suspected Autistic, 28yo female.
Ok, I will be super specific here so that it's an interesting and engaging read for y'all and so that you can better understand what I'm trying to say.
So, there are a few people I have, not so much as favorite people, but rather I'm fixated on them and want to "be" them, but obviously still be ME, just have their qualities and characteristics. One is an edgy tattooed girl who goes by Lauren Rocke on Instagram, and the other is my fitness instructor whose first name is all I know and it's Hannah K, and she is a PHD scientist and I'm trying to shift careers to that or something similar. Another is a former high school classmate called Sharon who used to be a model and now is an investment banking analyst at an IB firm. Oh, I forgot the conglomeration of a few American chicks like Colligne alle Montagne (on IG) and Tia Taylor who live in Italy and speak Italian (ok-ish??). We are all about the same age plus or minus 2 years or so, so yeah basically the same age.
Almost on a weekly to even daily interval of time, I tend to switch/cycle between, say, really being set on molding myself into someone like Lauren, and the next day or even that same evening, I'll think like, oh, I could never get a neck tattoo because career job etc so it's better to be more like Tia/Colligne, but then I'll be like oh it's impractical to want to move to Italy so I'll be like Elyse who is so practical, I mean she lives in America (where I am, obvi), and does a career that I want to get into, and all of that.
It's....EXHAUSTING. SO EXHAUSTING. I want to commit to something, and here's the thing: I'm a really interesting person. I've traveling to places you haven't even heard of (maybe?), have taught myself a few languages plus speak two others from my parents. I have a few degrees in disparate fields, ie my BS in electrical engineering because my mom told me to do it so I'd "look desirable for medical school applications," then a MS in epidemiology which I did in the interim because I chickened out of apply to med school for a couple years, and then my MS medicine because I finally went to med school (I almost aced the MCAT but got into a tier 3 relatively new med school) but I wasn't there for the right reasons (reasons were that I just wanted to be far from my parents ie the control, but also be doing the thing that made them happy with me and continue to be supported also I'm an only child.
So, I'm asking here two things:
One, does anyone else do anything remotely similar to this??
Two, any tips on how to DEAL with it? It's so tiring and I just want to stick with something. FYI I'm already working through DBT albeit slowly but I'm doing it.
Thanks!!!
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2023.03.24 22:23 dusty_boots WTS *PRICE REDUCED* Meris Enzo with 4 button preset switch, midi box, usb-midi cable, Ditto x4 with power supply, pigtronix infinity 3 looper with preset/undo switch, Moog minifooger ring mod v1.

I’m tired of holding onto these and want them to go to a home that will use them. Currently only trying to trade for American dollars unless you have a cba generation loss that you’d want to trade for stuff, in which case I have a Jhs emporer v2 that I’m willing to trade or sell as well.
Meris Enzo with all the crispies. I picked it up a little bit ago from a user here, but it just doesnt make sense in my current lineup. I thought it would, but it does not. Comes with the alt function overlay, a 4-button preset switch AND the meris midi box so you can sync things like the arp to a clock or send program changes. The midi box also lets you plug the Enzo into your computer and use the web editor (midi-usb cable included in sale. On its own it’s a great pedal, but to fully unlock what it has to offer, the preset switch and midi box are indispensable. Not willing to separate. Was asking 350 for the bundle worth like 500 dollars, but now asking 300 SHIPPED
Ditto x4 Great looper, user friendly with some fantastic features. Asking 175for it. Comes with the psu and never been bricked. Can also sync to a midi clock, but not as rock solid as…
The Pigtronix infinity 3 looper with the 3 button preset switch. Amazing looper. Seriously awesome. Simple UI, easy to get the hang of, does everything you want in a relatively small package and sounds amazing. Not to mention that this also syncs to a midi clock if you want to loop along to your synths rack gear and it’s rock fucking solid and will not waver. I already have one and bought another because I wanted to be able to change speed/octave on one without effecting the loops on the other, but I haven’t really been using as much as I thought (or ever, lol) so this one goes back in the market. Asking what I paid for it, 350 plus shipping. Photos available on request.
Moog minifooger ring v1 Awesome little ring mod, but I wound up getting the Randy’s revenge instead, and although there was a period of time where I was that psychopath with two ring mod’s on their board, that era has ended (thank god) These can routinely be found on reverb listed for like 250 and up, but I’m listing mine for what they actually end up selling for- 150 plus shipping. Would be amazing to get like 200 for it if you hate having 50 extra dollars and feel highly generous.
Thanks for reading please buy my tings
EDIT: I forgot to add pictures! Just reiterating-Jhs emporer is not for sale until I can secure a cba or cooper fx generation loss. I can take newer photos with a current timestamp if you’d like. I’m just busy and away from the house right now.
https://imgur.com/a/OelmcRN
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2023.03.24 21:20 throwaway633936 I need to vent or I will go crazy.

First of all, I live in Turkey and motherhood is very sacred in our culture, mothers have to make every sacrifice and if you don't want to be a mother, there is a problem with you.
I remember crying when I was 7 or 8 years old. Very clearly. I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the living room, my parents were sitting watching TV and I don't know why, but I cried saying "I don't want to have a child."
In my high school years, I didn't sit down with any of my boyfriends and choose names for our future children. Because I didn't want children.
In my university years, I kept saying that I would never have children and that I didn't think of getting married, and that if I did get married, I would marry someone who didn't want any children.
So, when I was 26 I met my now husband. We were talking and I said "Oof, I can't stand kids, noises, screams, I don't want children." And he said "Yes I don't like them either."
When he proposed to me that was on my mind. He said he doesn't like children, he doesn't want them, we're in love, it's perfect.
So tell me why, somehow I got knocked up when I was 28?
I thought about it loooong and hard. I wanted to get an abortion, I didn't want kids.
When I brought up the subject, my husband immediately refused. He said "You're already pregnant, let's do this and this will be our only child." on top of it he went and told my parents that I was pregnant, but left the abortion part out of the news.
My parents were on the moon. This will be they're only grandchild and let me tell you in our culture it's a big thing. Plus, their first grandchild was a boy, oh what a blast they had!
My son was a stillborn. I know I should feel horrible but in a way I was relieved. I was like 'oh well...' But the doctors bring him back to life I was also relieved too. It was like I didn't want him but I had to want him.
I didn't connect with him. Everyone was like "Oh he's so precious" and I was like "Yeaaahhh he iiiiis he's soooo cuuute I love him sooo much!"
I can't remember the first year of my son. I don't know what I ate, when I slept, where did we go.
He's almost 2 now and he has autism. It was a light form of autism they said, like nothing physical but it's mostly social. For example, When someone other than his father, grandmother, grandfather or me approaches him, he starts screaming and crying and throwing up everywhere.
I'm mostly approaching him like "I can fix him and he can be normal and everything will be fine" but I'm kinda annoyed that he's behaving like that and I know he can't help it. I know it's a problem for him too and I know it's hard for him too but I just can't breath sometimes.
I can't get out or when we get out we have to stay away from crowded places because he will be scream and cry and throw up. I can't meet my friends and their kids because my son will scream and cry and throw up. We can't go to the play dates that my friends and their kids are having because...
I'm tired.
I just want a one day where I will be able to go in and out of sleep. Just laying in my bed hugging my pillows.
Instead one day I'm in a hospital for my sons autism exams, one day we're at the special education school to work on his social skills which are not going great. He's just screaming and crying to his teachers face for 40 minutes.
He has this constant murmuring sound that he makes. He has nothing wrong with him, he's fed, his diapers/clothes are all clean, he has lots of toys, he has me to play with, we have a bird that he can chase around, we have a fucking sensory swing in the middle of our living room just for him that his father made it for him. But no. He has to be bored all the time and he has to make that crying/whining noise constantly.
Sometimes I feel like my blood is boiling in my veins just hearing him whining all the fucking time. But I'm staying calm. Because if I'm not calm he's more freaking out.
I know it's sounds like I'm complaning about his autism but it's not that. I didn't want kids, at all. And somehow when I ended up with one it had to be the hardest.
Every night before sleeping I imagine that I would wake up and would go to the living room were my parents watching TV And I would cry to them about how I don't want to have children. It's seems like a cycle and I wanna wake up.
submitted by throwaway633936 to regretfulparents [link] [comments]